Have you looked at the list of AA meetings yet? There is no reason that you can't make your first one today. It's not something you register for or enrol on. You just walk in and pull up a chair. No need to speak to the whole room, but folk will welcome you and look after you in your first meeting. There are no dies or fees for AA membership / meetings, but they will pass a lot round to collect money that goes towards costs of running the meeting (rent, tea and coffee, literature, etc). All the folk at a closed AA meeting are alcoholics. The person acting is secretary is just a straight up alcoholic member as well - they re just in that voluntary role for that period of time. Just Google AA meetings Ontario and the list will come up,
Glad you're here and posting. Things WILL get better if you stay sober and work on your recovery. Maybe not immediately or without some work, but they WILL, given time and commitment. One day shame and self-loathing can be a distant memory.
BB