I don't know what to do.
My husband is an alcoholic. We've been married a little over a year and have a one year old son with a few medical needs.
Almost two and a half years ago my husband nearly died from liver failure when he was 30 years old. His doctors basically said the only thing that was on his side was his age. I knew before then he might have a problem, but I wasn't sure. I was raised in a dry house and didn't know what was considered a "night cap" at the end of the night and what was a problem...but I soon found out it was a problem. Almost a year after that he went to rehab when he found out I was pregnant with a boy. We put together that it's a generational curse of sorts in his family in the men, and he made it clear he wanted to get the tools to face whatever laid ahead. Of course during that year he had fallen off the wagon a few times, but I only knew because I had a feeling and would search his stuff, and would usually find a bottle of vodka hidden somewhere. But, he would always turn it on me like how dare I betray his trust and riffle through his things...right? Because I am the one who broke the trust. But, once he went to rehab he's been a different person. Not angry. Not secretive. Nothing that triggered me into going crazy and sniffing his cups, looking at his credit card statement to see if he'd gone to the liquor store. When we had our son he was born preterm and with a severe birth defect (he's all good now!) and I tried to be respectful of what he needed to do to keep his anxiety down, like not visit the hospital all the time like I did, or talk about what was going on. He would say, they taught us in rehab not to worry about things we can't change. I was so proud of him....meanwhile I was drowning in isolation and loneliness because I felt like I was doing it all on my own. Well, this week we had to go to the ER because we were sure his appendix was about to burst. I was looking over his paperwork from the quickcare we went to before the ER and in the patient present with section I saw the line "worsened after alcohol" when I asked him why it said that he made me feel so stupid for even asking, but it gave me a red flag. While he was in surgery I checked his bank statement and for at least the last three months he's been going to liquor stores at least once a week. Since he's been in the hospital I searched his truck and found hidden behind his seat a Powerade bottle filled with vodka. I'm angry, hurt, but I'm starting to feel myself checking out. Almost like I expected it. I saw my counselor and she said I need to set boundaries. But, I don't know what that looks like. He's not a raging angry alcoholic. He's sneaky. And deceitful. Even before when he would be drunk, I never could tell. I feel like such a fool to think it was all good and well. Any ideas on how I could approach thing??