First and foremost congrats on being here and on your own sobriety.
I always find the female alcoholics have a bit of a different type of situation than the males when it comes to the partner, so I try and check in from time to time when I can. Sorry you are going through this. As others have suggested, the Friends and Family forum is a great place for support.
I wanted to say I can relate to your plight when it comes to the feeling of "she is such a wonderful person when she's sober" and of course that's what brings so many of us here I think. If the person was like they were when using booze 24/7 we'd be so thankful they were gone and never even look for support. We love them because we see their potential, or at least the side they choose to show us, when they're in need of care or just plain sober. We dream about the potential of that person being with us 24/7 and the alcohol being gone forever. So I know where you are coming from and that's what makes it so hard.
I can say that it took me a long time to learn that I had to let her decide when enough was enough. It's so hard to not snoop around, look for those wine bags, track how many she's had today, how many drinks she's had this week, how many incidents she's had in the past months, days drunk, days sober, all that, to try and come up with some sort of pattern or even a line of evidence to try and show her factually that it's a problem. It takes a long time to realize that even in the face of denial of the incidents that deep down they know it's a problem, but choose to keep drinking anyway.
I will say as a "normie" as they call it sometimes it's become a little clearer for me to understand what others may be going through. The other day I was exercising and thinking I'd have a beer later on at night with dinner. Then suddenly it was bedtime and I'd realized the thought entirely had left my mind and I never had it. I keep beer and wine at the house at all times. Now, imagine the exact opposite, fantasizing about the drink so much that you ran and opened it the second you could get to it, and then proceeded to binge drink until you were sick or passed out because it was there. And this was NORMAL for you. The other day when this happened, I realized, there are two very different forces at work here and thankfully, I don't have the compelling draw within me to run to the bottle and obsess over it like that. Imagine if you did. That has to be what it's like for your girlfriend and what it's like for my ex. She once told me, she felt a pull of the alcohol, it was actually uncomfortable for her to know there was beer in the fridge and she wasn't drinking it. I can't imagine how difficult that must be.
I don't have a lot of advice to give other than to say I know where you are and I've been there and it's tough. Do not be surprised at all when you bring up drinking and the sudden argument or blame shifting happens. Remember when it does, that is just the alcohol fighting back and defending itself because that's what it does.
I also thought friends and family (hers and mine) might not be aware of the level that things went, but I also learned that more people realize the problem is there than you think. It's just an elephant in the room and most people learn over time that arguing with someone who chooses to drink excessively is a losing argument. It took me a long time to realize that that's just how some people are and that there is absolutely nothing on this earth you can do to change that about them. If there were, we'd all bottle it and sell it and get rich quick.
I'm sorry again to hear you are going through this. It's not easy and even to this day, years later, I sometimes lament the lost love and the "what ifs" and "if onlys" for my ex and what we could have had should she found a way to leave alcohol behind. To us it seems simple, like giving up pizza or chocolate cake or something else we love for the sake of something better. When you realize how much of a pull the alcohol has, you put yourself in those shoes, you see that unfortunately in many cases, it just overpowers all common sense and logic.
See you in the F&F forum and have a good day.