Atwitsend26

My story is long so I’ll try to make it as short as I can.
I have led a perfect life for 20 years the past 10 of them I have been out of love in my marriage and unhappy. Depressed I think but I didn’t see it.
Then I met someone and I fell completely in love - like a kid. And then 6 months down the line I found out they were an alcoholic. Do you knkw what I thought, so
What I love them...
We will get through it.
I went to leave my marriage and he disappeared - drunk on a bender for a few months... seen him here and there tried to get him sober. Then we remained friends, didn’t work out, we started seeing each other again. He stayed sober I went to leave marriage again and he disappeared again. Bet your thinking id have learnt my lesson here. Wrong. Third attempt they stayed sober for 6 months ( well I think) my father was ill dying so I said after it I would leave. And I did.
Within 4 weeks he was drinking and seeing someone else. He lied to me about this -
I found out from someone else he was seeing someone. She’s got loads of money, give him a job. The person I thought I knew has gone. He’s not drinking but he’s had a complete personality transplant.
After being so level headed for 20 years I’ve ended up smoking 20 cigarettes a day - I don’t go out I’m on antipressants. And I drive myself insane thinking about it all.
I’ve gone and got myself a job because If I sit in the house anymore thinking about it I will go mad.
But I’m scared to death, I have no confidence and I feel like
I’m hoing to fail at this job.
I know this is awful but my husband took me back. He was so worried about my state of mind he took me back.
And he’s helped me a lot. But I’m not in love with him. I realise now that love is a lot deeper than being in love or infatuated.
It’s about someone caring for you deeply and not leaving you when you need them.
Too add insult to injury my ex has rang me going mental because I’m back with my husband. He sai