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I donít who I am or what Iím doing - trying to survive

Old 01-19-2018, 03:41 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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I donít who I am or what Iím doing - trying to survive

My story is long so Iíll try to make it as short as I can.
I have led a perfect life for 20 years the past 10 of them I have been out of love in my marriage and unhappy. Depressed I think but I didnít see it.
Then I met someone and I fell completely in love - like a kid. And then 6 months down the line I found out they were an alcoholic. Do you knkw what I thought, so
What I love them...
We will get through it.
I went to leave my marriage and he disappeared - drunk on a bender for a few months... seen him here and there tried to get him sober. Then we remained friends, didnít work out, we started seeing each other again. He stayed sober I went to leave marriage again and he disappeared again. Bet your thinking id have learnt my lesson here. Wrong. Third attempt they stayed sober for 6 months ( well I think) my father was ill dying so I said after it I would leave. And I did.
Within 4 weeks he was drinking and seeing someone else. He lied to me about this -
I found out from someone else he was seeing someone. Sheís got loads of money, give him a job. The person I thought I knew has gone. Heís not drinking but heís had a complete personality transplant.
After being so level headed for 20 years Iíve ended up smoking 20 cigarettes a day - I donít go out Iím on antipressants. And I drive myself insane thinking about it all.
Iíve gone and got myself a job because If I sit in the house anymore thinking about it I will go mad.
But Iím scared to death, I have no confidence and I feel like
Iím hoing to fail at this job.
I know this is awful but my husband took me back. He was so worried about my state of mind he took me back.
And heís helped me a lot. But Iím not in love with him. I realise now that love is a lot deeper than being in love or infatuated.
Itís about someone caring for you deeply and not leaving you when you need them.
Too add insult to injury my ex has rang me going mental because Iím back with my husband. He sai
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Old 01-19-2018, 05:14 PM
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And I drive myself insane thinking about it all.

That's where AlAnon helped me. Can you get to an AlAnon meeting?
http://al-anon.org

It's great you got a job - a good distraction and if you have health benefits check and see what your metal health benefits cover - you sound like you have a lot on your mind and I've always found therapy helps me cut through the paralyzing fog!

Welcome to SR!
B
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Old 01-19-2018, 08:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Atwitsend26 View Post
My story is long so Iíll try to make it as short as I can.
I have led a perfect life for 20 years the past 10 of them I have been out of love in my marriage and unhappy. Depressed I think but I didnít see it.
Then I met someone and I fell completely in love - like a kid. And then 6 months down the line I found out they were an alcoholic. Do you knkw what I thought, so
What I love them...
We will get through it.
I went to leave my marriage and he disappeared - drunk on a bender for a few months... seen him here and there tried to get him sober. Then we remained friends, didnít work out, we started seeing each other again. He stayed sober I went to leave marriage again and he disappeared again. Bet your thinking id have learnt my lesson here. Wrong. Third attempt they stayed sober for 6 months ( well I think) my father was ill dying so I said after it I would leave. And I did.
Within 4 weeks he was drinking and seeing someone else. He lied to me about this -
I found out from someone else he was seeing someone. Sheís got loads of money, give him a job. The person I thought I knew has gone. Heís not drinking but heís had a complete personality transplant.
After being so level headed for 20 years Iíve ended up smoking 20 cigarettes a day - I donít go out Iím on antipressants. And I drive myself insane thinking about it all.
Iíve gone and got myself a job because If I sit in the house anymore thinking about it I will go mad.
But Iím scared to death, I have no confidence and I feel like
Iím hoing to fail at this job.
I know this is awful but my husband took me back. He was so worried about my state of mind he took me back.
And heís helped me a lot. But Iím not in love with him. I realise now that love is a lot deeper than being in love or infatuated.
Itís about someone caring for you deeply and not leaving you when you need them.
Too add insult to injury my ex has rang me going mental because Iím back with my husband. He sai
I have no words and feel sorry for your BH. Nevertheless, your desire to be with a man who is obviously a wreck, says more about you than him. YOU need to get counselling to see why you would want to disrupt your life to live in a relationship with someone you cannot depend on, who will treat you badly and lie to you. It defies all rationalisation.
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Old 01-19-2018, 09:22 PM
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Hi,

Sorry for what you are going through. It sounds very tough.

There is certainly hope though. Don't be too surprised at what has happened. If you have felt perhaps unloved or not been given attention for years it's not surprising that you jumped at the first person that offered that to you.

You could really use some face to face support right now. Is it possible that you could find a therapist to talk to?

You mention you are on anti-depressants, have you seen a psychiatrist, if not perhaps your GP could refer you to someone.

Please keep posting here, of course, but looking for some type of other support would be really valuable too I think.

Hang in there! Things will get better and you will see your way clear, try not to isolate yourself.
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Old 01-20-2018, 08:32 AM
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I made the mistake of jumping into a relationship with my alcoholic "soul mate" during the time that I was legally separated from my H (not an A). The marriage wasn't really working for either of us, and it was the right thing to do.

What I did wrong was to hang all my hopes on an alcoholic, jump into that relationship with both feet and never look at my own stuff. Relationship jumping was a pattern for me until I worked my Al Anon steps concurrently with therapy. The "new guy" was my fix when I was disenchanted with a relationship. I needed to be single for some time to see that I was responsible for my own happiness, and to start loving myself before I could have a healthy relationship with anyone else.

I should have done all that years ago, but I had no idea how unhealthy this behavior really was having grown up watching it repeated by the adults around me. Everything was always someone else's fault. The guys were jerks, alcoholics, cheaters, whatever. It couldn't be me, I was almost perfect (lol)!

Take care. I hope you can find clarity for yourself.
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