AA again and nervous
I have been avoiding going to a meeting since I moved back to my home town. Partly because I致e never been too comfortable with the religious side of it and getting a sponsor and working the steps feels like I知 drinking the Kool-Aid. Big book bashers make me want to scream.
That said, I知 in a bad place right now mentally. If left to my own devices I would never leave the house. A couple of people from my old group have reached out to me since I left the big city and put me in touch with local members who have given me a gentle shove and reminded me why I used to go. I met some genuinely good, kind-hearted people and enjoyed their company.
I知 not planning on saying I知 an alcoholic though it may slip out. I知 not likely to get a sponsor and work the steps either. All I know is that I need help. If some of that comes from AA then so be it. I have to do it my way though. I will not submit to a higher power, I will not hand over my will.