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AA again and nervous

Old 01-19-2018, 01:13 AM
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AA again and nervous

I have been avoiding going to a meeting since I moved back to my home town. Partly because I致e never been too comfortable with the religious side of it and getting a sponsor and working the steps feels like I知 drinking the Kool-Aid. Big book bashers make me want to scream.

That said, I知 in a bad place right now mentally. If left to my own devices I would never leave the house. A couple of people from my old group have reached out to me since I left the big city and put me in touch with local members who have given me a gentle shove and reminded me why I used to go. I met some genuinely good, kind-hearted people and enjoyed their company.

I知 not planning on saying I知 an alcoholic though it may slip out. I知 not likely to get a sponsor and work the steps either. All I know is that I need help. If some of that comes from AA then so be it. I have to do it my way though. I will not submit to a higher power, I will not hand over my will.
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Old 01-19-2018, 01:34 AM
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Guff,

I vote whatever it takes.

Booze is a highly addictive neuro toxin that insideously damages our brain and body.

My addiction is for life.

Until I was cleanfor a while, I wasn't thinking as clearly.

My humanity had been stifled by the damage.

It is slowly returning and it feels amazing.

Thanks.
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Old 01-19-2018, 01:35 AM
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My only experience of AA is from this website but overwhelmingly they seem like a bunch of nice blokes (and women) to me.

It was nice for your AA city mates to try and tee something up for you - why not give it a run?

I will not hand over my will.
I've read the BB and other things.
I know what it says, but I've never seen the Higher Power thing that way.

Its not like Stepford Alcoholics

Recovery for me has been about discovering and realising my power, not losing it

I think the real meaning is something deeper.
This might resonate with you like it did me:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kevin..._b_841087.html

D
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Old 01-19-2018, 01:44 AM
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Thanks to you. I read your post about being forced to drink the cognac recently and it moved me. So many are quick to judge but I admire your honesty and sense of perspective about the situation. The "my way or the highway" side of AA zealotry is galling.

I'm only in my fifth month and am hanging on tightly to my sobriety as drinking very nearly killed me last year. My fall from grace was ugly and public. For now, not drinking is the "easy" part. Learning to live with my past, coping with mental illness and facing my fears sober is where I am struggling. Staying sober is the only chance I have of friends and family restoring their faith in me.
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Old 01-19-2018, 01:50 AM
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Thanks Dee, I'll give it a read. Discovering and realising my power, I like that a lot. It might help me with forgiving myself for the shameful things that I've done as well.
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Old 01-19-2018, 06:08 AM
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Good luck. I know for me to find a place of peace I have to be willing to accept that I have little control of most things external to me....including alcohol and well, my life. I have to be honest with myself (and others) and open to ideas that I might not otherwise entertain. I have learned the hard way that my thinking and feelings aren't always reality. They are real, but they aren't based on fact. So it helps me to remain open to the ideas of others....especially where getting sober is concerned because obviously I have a lot to learn in that area.

I have learned a lot in AA. There's a lot of stuff I either don't relate to or haven't 'gotten' yet. That's ok too. But the realization that I am not master of my universe is priceless. And in realizing that I have so much more power in life, not less. I haven't submitted to anything, but I have surrendered to the fact that I cannot drink, no matter what. If I get that right, the rest is frosting on the cake.
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Old 01-19-2018, 06:12 AM
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theres a great chapter in teh big book of AA titled,"we agnostics" that helped me tremendously to see AA isnt religious.
plus sitting at meetings with an athiest, christian, hindu, muslim,jew, agnostic, catholic, and others helped me realize why everyone is there and the program really isnt religious.
spiritual? yeah. but not religious.

the steps helped me tremendously be free from my past. no more remorse,guilt, and dispair over any of it.
even being responsible for the death of another human while i was drunk- that doesnt haunt me any more.
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Old 01-19-2018, 06:20 AM
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If you like the people that visited, why not go to their group?

Take what works, leave the rest. For some, simply the fellowship of being around other people who know what special sort of self-torture alcoholics go through is why they attend. Our family and friends who can drink normally can't offer that same kind of support.
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Old 01-19-2018, 06:49 AM
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A couple of posts have been removed.

We do not allow debates of recovery methods on this forum, support and experience only, please.

And, feel free to use the Ignore button, if someone's posts bother you.
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Old 01-19-2018, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
A couple of posts have been removed.

We do not allow debates of recovery methods on this forum, support and experience only, please.

And, feel free to use the Ignore button, if someone's posts bother you.
Delete my account immediately.
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Old 01-19-2018, 06:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Guffman View Post
Delete my account immediately.
c'mon, now, how will that help ya?
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Old 01-19-2018, 07:27 AM
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Yeah, how's that gonna help?

There are people and places who are ready and willing to help you. Do you think running from them is a way to make your life better?

Take a risk, hang around for a while. It's not like we didn't take far greater risks when we drank, right?
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Old 01-19-2018, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Guffman View Post
... I have to do it my way though. I will not submit to a higher power, I will not hand over my will.
No?

Well, I don't know about you, but my way and my will kept me stuck in the same old place. I still hung onto them until I really wanted to die though. Then I hit my personal rock bottom - at just over 6 months sober. Furnace of affliction and all that. I hope it's not as painful sticking to your guns as it was sticking to mine.

BB

PS I got rid of my guns in the end though - things are much better now.
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