Had to say No
Hello Everyone,
I just had to say no for the first time to an Al Anon request and I'm feeling a little guilty and embarrassed. It's been very hard for me to function, eat and even get out of bed because I am detaching from my AB and that feels like a full time job in itself. I am trying to do things differently and let him go right now. He is in treatment and any contact just leaves me furious because of all the wreckage left behind.
Anyway I am making it to meetings but it's very challenging with the morning ones so when I was asked to do the literature commitment I had to say no.
This lady kind of sprung it on me because she was over booked with other commitments and I told her I'd think it over and then I just reluctantly just told her no. She gave me a dirty look when I told her.
I really wanted to be the person who says yes and shows up on time, looking great and ready to be of service but that is not the reality for me right now. I really miss my boyfriend and I'm pretty heartbroken about his disease, my response to it and all else.
Instead of saying yes and then flaking on the commitment (which I have done before with this morning meeting) I just said no. I find it weird I feel bad about it.
Does anyone else constantly feel like they aren't doing enough in their program and they should be way past this stage or getting better and it feels like it's getting worse.?
It's very discouraging.
Thanks always for listening.