You’d be amazed at what alcoholics throw away to live with their own addiction. My ex Abf shared with me stories in the past where his son whom he never sees was having trouble at his school and confidence issues because he doesn’t have a male role model. You would have thought he’d show up the next day. But no...just excuses. Recently he shared that his son was hitting himself - the kid is 5 years old, and being picked on for not having a daddy. How can he not show up the next day??? Nope. Nothing. The sad thing is that these incidences he shared with me was when he was dry and in a program, so even when people aren’t drunk you would still be amazed at what their capable of.
In other words, what I have learned is, never ascribe to the Alcoholic or anybody else, what YOU would do or another healthy person would do. Took me a long time to realize that not everyone is like me and wants to do the right thing and love honestly. It’s their choice not to. Sad as it is, what you or I would never dream of doing isn’t their same mindset. It’s hard to accept but once you do it gets easier.
Alcoholics are willing to die for drink, so stopping for anyone else isn’t going to happen. I have also shared my caring with messages that encourage them and when they are dry I get the “i know you’re right” but no action. When they are drunk i get a whole lot of curse words and blame.
I’m sorry your going through this. Nothing worse than a front row ticket to a loved ones self sabotage.