How can she do this to her kids?!

Old 01-13-2018, 06:10 PM
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How can she do this to her kids?!

Last year my older sister was diagnosed with 4th stage liver cirrhosis.
Its been over a year, with a few hospitalizations and 2 psychward stays yet, shes still drinking.. at least a bottle a day, im guessing more. She has 2 young kids and we cant seem to help her.. She has told me shes going to die and she doesnt seem bothered by it.
We just lost an aunt to a terrible and short battle with cancer due to alcoholism.
Our mother was an acoholic when we were growing up, but we both swore we would never be like that..
Now its our mom that had to bath her and hold her up to walk so we could get her into the hospital 2 weeks ago..
She refuses to go to her liver dr. And shares no information about her appointments she does go to.
Sorry if this is all rambled..
My mom called and told me she found 12 empty bottles in her hiding spot that she cleaned out less than 2 weeks ago while my sister was hospitalized.
I feel like I need to say something to her but shes the older sister.. usually its her confronting me.
What do I do?! I feel if i dont do anything ill deeply regret it when its too late. We used to see eachother every day, talk all the time.. now we talk maybe once a week, see eachother maybe once a month..
I miss my sister. The fun one. The responsible one. The one I looked up to

Sorry again. Just so confused
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:21 PM
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Sam721-
So sorry you're going through this.
I have 3 A brothers and the sadness and pain can be really overwhelming sometimes.

Nothing wrong with saying "I love you and it hurts me to see you abusing your body so severely, and I wish I could help you. Yes, you may be dying but your last few days will not be made any better by continuing to drink. I just think of your children and how each minute you live sober is so precious for them."

But you can't expect it to do anything, or expect anything from her once you say it. It has always helped my peace of mind to share with my brothers (my baby brother especially) how much I love them. Period. They will do what they will do. And if any darn thing WE say could make a difference in their sobriety then none of us would be here on this site!

Lots of great support here. Sending you a shot of courage and gentle (((hugs))).
Peace,
B.
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Old 01-13-2018, 07:50 PM
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It's so hard to watch our loved ones throw their lives away. My dad did the same thing. He basically just sent the message that he didn't care about his own life and, as his children, my sister and I took it as 'he doesn't care about us then, either.'

Just remember that everyone has their own path and, in the end, we aren't responsible for them. You can set healthy boundaries, tell them you love them, and then just let God (or your Higher Power of choice) take care of them. We can sit with them, we can care for them, but in the end we are the ones who sit and watch them fall down the deep hole of addiction and it hurts. Going to Al Anon meetings truly did help save my sanity and I do hope you are finding support IRL.
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Old 01-13-2018, 08:38 PM
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Hi, Sam.
Welcome.
My sib is alcohol addicted.
Nothing stops him.
Some people are just stuck in their addictions.
I’m very sorry for your situation.
Peace.
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Old 01-13-2018, 08:59 PM
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Sam,
Welcome, glad you reached out. I am sorry for the pain that you are in. Yes our addicts do drink themselves to death. My axh told me that he had to die from something. Us codies cant comprehend the hold that the bottle has over loved ones. It is out of our control.

I also agree with the others, tell her that you love her and if she she needs any support, you are there for her. I would highly recommend hitting an open aa or alanon meeting for yourself. It is time in your life for self care, and they can help.

Keep posting, commenting, ranting, it all helps because we have all watched our loved ones suffer, we all get it on this forum. Hugs
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Old 01-14-2018, 06:14 AM
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I am so sorry Sam!
Unfortunately, alcoholics many times do drink themselves to death.
My husband did but I was there to do CPR and saved his life; but the experience did not stop his addiction. That was two years ago and he is just now trying to get and stay sober; but for many they never give themselves the chance to live without feeding their addiction. ☹️
It is gut wrenching for loved ones to watch the process however there is nothing to be done if the addict won’t get help.
Again I am so sorry! Tell her that you love her often and that’s about all you can do.
Sending you hugs and wishing you peace.
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Old 01-14-2018, 07:43 AM
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instead of trying to help/fix HER, what about helping the kids?
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Old 01-14-2018, 07:50 AM
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You’d be amazed at what alcoholics throw away to live with their own addiction. My ex Abf shared with me stories in the past where his son whom he never sees was having trouble at his school and confidence issues because he doesn’t have a male role model. You would have thought he’d show up the next day. But no...just excuses. Recently he shared that his son was hitting himself - the kid is 5 years old, and being picked on for not having a daddy. How can he not show up the next day??? Nope. Nothing. The sad thing is that these incidences he shared with me was when he was dry and in a program, so even when people aren’t drunk you would still be amazed at what their capable of.

In other words, what I have learned is, never ascribe to the Alcoholic or anybody else, what YOU would do or another healthy person would do. Took me a long time to realize that not everyone is like me and wants to do the right thing and love honestly. It’s their choice not to. Sad as it is, what you or I would never dream of doing isn’t their same mindset. It’s hard to accept but once you do it gets easier.

Alcoholics are willing to die for drink, so stopping for anyone else isn’t going to happen. I have also shared my caring with messages that encourage them and when they are dry I get the “i know you’re right” but no action. When they are drunk i get a whole lot of curse words and blame.

I’m sorry your going through this. Nothing worse than a front row ticket to a loved ones self sabotage.
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