Originally Posted by
keepingthefaith 
First things first... as you take care of you, all the rest will fall in line. (((Hugs)))
Have you been getting out to any 12 step meetings, counseling or other support groups?
As you find what's not working for you, that opens up more paths in other directions. There's no wrong path in healing... if you're putting desires of healing into your thought process, you'll find them somewhere...at some point.
Are you at a point where you're looking for baby steps to something new or a big leap to something drastically different?
I've never been to any counselling or Alanon or support groups. I've not had the time and I tried to get counselling 4 years ago but the only place I could go was miles away at night with no public transport. I don't drive so.....
I've no idea what I want to do. Am not even sure I know what I like, apart from home hobbies. I travelled a lot last year but that's not feasible this year. I feel flat most of the time. Not sad, not happy, just meh. I spend most of my time alone as my son's are either in their rooms or in the case of one out. I've got used to it to the point actually going anywhere seems like too much effort sometimes. During the holidays I didn't leave the house for over 2 weeks. In my heart of hearts tho I am able to be alone I know am lonely and that leads me into codie situations. I've got to work on that.
Tonight my son came home and had the same assessment as me of some stuff he'd been doing for others and people he'd been seeing. They weren't real his friends and he had been used. It hurt him and that saddened me. He thought it was him. That he's somehow unlovable. He's not. He chose the wrong people to invest his time and effort in but try telling that to a 19 year old. It's hard enough for me to get my head around it. Fear of rejection goes deep for both of us. It's worse when we've been brave and reached out and it happens. We are both looking for a new focus.