Good morning
Yes. I can definitely relate to clinging on to those moments of clarity. I think isolation and loneliness has a lot to do with it. My downfall started at the end of last summer when my closest friend moved away. The loneliness is what gets me. I really do hope that we can do this! We have to or else our lives and hard work will have of little meaning if we let the substances win. I am on day 2 today. I am beginning to contemplate an inpatient program but I have seen countless others get and stay sober without a rehab program so I am torn. The first few days are always tough. So maybe with everyone's help here I can figure out a plan of action!
Originally Posted by
Fiona224 
I wish i could tell you where it was unavailable! I mean my own access was limited because I lost contact with the person who introduced me toCM and wound up in a different crowd, mostly hard drinkers and pill poppers. It is a devastating drug - just you please hang in there with me - I know the grip will loosen! I know it is a huge part of the gay/bi community- that is also true in my area (vibrant gay community). It is heartbreaking- so many beautiful young people who have finally come out and are ready to enjoy their freedom and CM just snatches that and everything else of value. I was an absolute slave to narcotic painkillers for 15 years. Alcohol has also - ugh, it is horrifying when I have these moments of clarity (though I cling to them for dear life as well). The shame that I internalized set me up for addiction, and then my addiction has compounded my shame so terribly. I have always tended to isolate and withdraw, and then I use so I don’t have to admit that I’m lonely. God what a mess. We can do this!