Comtnman,
Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing, but your mother doesn’t want to play nice. Bringing up things like calling on Christmas is typical emotional blackmail, she seems to strain under the weight of her own baggage (could it be we have the same mother, lol?)
It’s a Serenity Prayer situation, there’s nothing you can do at this point: Forgive her, forgive yourself, and move on. Congrats on 11 months!