Km3012

New on here so please be gentle!!

I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for a year now and honestly before all came out I thought this was it for life. I loved him and he loved me and after a load of terrible relationships I thought finally this was the one. After our third date I came home to my mom and said this is it I am going to marry this guy.

Bit of background: my dad was an alcoholic, my mom supported him and he continued to drink for years until he got diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease and passed away a year and a half ago. So I am no stranger to alcaholism. I loved my dad more than anything in this world despite him letting me down so many times.
I always said I will never go through the pain of living with a drinking problem again but low and behold the love of my life now has the same issue.

I knew he had a drinking problem shortly after we moved in together but allowed things to unfold so that he could realise it himself as I knew there was no point in diagnosing him myself. Drinking a bottle of whiskey at 2pm on a Wednesday is not normal I don't care what anyone says.

I found myself going into the same routine as I did with my dad, despairing that he could not give up because "if he loves me he will choose me over the drink" and then feeling depressed that actually no he will continue to drink despite loving you.

I have left, moved back in with my mom and it's really hard. He said he knows he has a problem, he says he's going to fix it, but he doesn't. It's talk, talk, talk no action. I love him so much and all I want to do is take care of him but I've realised that me being there isn't helping so I broke up with him to look after myself. Now he is looking for any way he can to contact me and get me to still be there for him. He tells me he loves me and will make it better and will stop but I've heard it all before. I haven't eaten properly in weeks, I really need to take the time to look after myself but then he finds some way of getting to me and I feel terrible again.

I want to scream JUST DO IT stop talking about doing it. I'm holding out hope that he will give up drinking but that hope is dwindling. If he only gave up I would run back to him and we could be so happy. He says I'm the love of his life and he is the love of mine I couldn't imagine being with anyone else but alcahol is like the mistress in the relationship he can't seem to shift and it's breaking me.