Originally Posted by BAW81

Stella - Welcome. I am so sorry for what you've experienced but I am happy that you have found yourself to this site.

I quoted parts/most of your post in hopes that you will re-read what you've written and let your truth about how he acted and how he made you feel sink in. His actions are not OK and most importantly they did not make you feel OK, safe, or loved the way someone deserves.

I personally experienced everything you wrote about with my STBXAH. I chose to minimize the situations after they would happen because looking back, I was more afraid of being alone than being with someone that acted that way....I could KICK myself.

Trust your inner voice, the survival instinct that told you leave. THAT is your truth, helping you to make the right decision moving forward.

As you will soon learn on this site, alcoholism is a progressive disease, unless acknowledged by the alcoholic AND one who actively works a program, it does not get better and will get worse.

There are healthy people in the world, people who do not stay up all night drinking alone and then call you names. I PROMISE!

Please take care of yourself. You cannot "help" him or "love" him to be healthy or to treat you better. You can only control you and your actions. Listen to the voice that told you to leave and be very wary of the lonely voice who is trying to tell you "it wasn't that bad." Re-read your post.....read it again. Ask yourself, is this what I want for myself?? Is this what I deserve?

I don't even know you and I believe you deserve to be treated with respect, deserve to feel safe, deserve not to have to pretend you're ok when you're not, deserve not to have to go to bed alone while in a relationship with someone.

Sending you hugs and support. KEEP GOING and don't look back.