Originally Posted by
Stella517 
When I would stay the night I would go ahead to bed and he would stay up drinking. This was fine for a bit but then he started picking arguments with me when he'd come to bed drunk. He'd criticize me always. After a while I learned to not talk back when he tries to argue with me when he's drunk because no matter what I said he'd disregard it and not listen.
Then I noticed he would be drunk a lot of times during the week. He'd stay home, drink and then get drunk. I don't know if he was aware he'd get drunk but then he would be. I then noticed the bottles. They were a lot. He could finish almost 2 x 750ml and not including the beer and wine and any drinks when he'd go out. This concerned me but I thought he was just one of those guys and I thought he had things under control.
As our relationship went on it would get rocky. I've seen him absolutely drunk about 4x to the point he can hardly stand. He blacked out 3x that I know of. Whenever he'd drink it's the same thing, he'd start criticizing me, saying mean things, putting me down and be short tempered. I felt terrible but I would always remind myself of what a great guy he was. But the mean words kept coming.
After a while he noticed I wouldn't be happy when he was drunk and he'd ask me if I'm mad? I learned to say "no" because then he'd go into a spiral being upset that I said anything. One time I had enough and made it clear I was not happy with him being drunk. His reaction was to break up with me since I wasn't happy. And this was his solution, not even up give up the alcohol. He did apologize for his attitude and said he'll try to be better but I noticed no change.
I finally broke up with him when I couldn't take his mean words. He'd call me a "bitch" or bring me down about things he thinks I don't do. He also got so drunk he could barely walk, I had to carry him. When I told him that he needed to apologize for being dunk he got offensive. Saying he feels bad, that he feels bad enough and not for me to talk about it. He gets really sensitive when his drinking is involved.
I finally left him after a fight any I knew he was drunk. He started saying mean things. .
Stella - Welcome. I am so sorry for what you've experienced but I am happy that you have found yourself to this site.
I quoted parts/most of your post in hopes that you will re-read what you've written and let your truth about how he acted and how he made you feel sink in. His actions are not OK and most importantly they did not make you feel OK, safe, or loved the way someone deserves.
I personally experienced everything you wrote about with my STBXAH. I chose to minimize the situations after they would happen because looking back, I was more afraid of being alone than being with someone that acted that way....I could KICK myself.
Trust your inner voice, the survival instinct that told you leave. THAT is your truth, helping you to make the right decision moving forward.
As you will soon learn on this site, alcoholism is a progressive disease, unless acknowledged by the alcoholic AND one who actively works a program, it does not get better and will get worse.
There are healthy people in the world, people who do not stay up all night drinking alone and then call you names. I PROMISE!
Please take care of yourself. You cannot "help" him or "love" him to be healthy or to treat you better. You can only control you and your actions. Listen to the voice that told you to leave and be very wary of the lonely voice who is trying to tell you "it wasn't that bad." Re-read your post.....read it again. Ask yourself, is this what I want for myself?? Is this what I deserve?
I don't even know you and I believe you deserve to be treated with respect, deserve to feel safe, deserve not to have to pretend you're ok when you're not, deserve not to have to go to bed alone while in a relationship with someone.
Sending you hugs and support. KEEP GOING and don't look back.