I "dated" her for year and something. I say "dated" as now I'm not quite sure if having an adult mutual relationship is something an addict is even capable of.
We started with some party time and drinks, since I've never been afraid of having a fun time with alcohol and neither was she (DUH!). So that was something we had in common. Also she had some issues due to ongoing divorce, so I was there to lift her up, provide moral support, provide backrubs and everything. And yes, it was a great feeling being able to help someone, to "fix" someone. Probably as good feeling as drinking is for alcoholic. (DUH!)
After first few months of happy "honeymoon" period, the ugly things started to coming up. Arguments, criticizing, almost everything I did was not enough, lots of things were my fault, whenever I tried to bring up the drinking we had nasty arguments. We had some nasty fights, but always ended up back together. Talk about crazy cycles, eh? :-)
In the mornings we've talked about putting some control on the drinking, but this never lasted. Seen some better days, followed by bad weeks. Even 2 weeks outpatien rehab which ended as she got drunk one day after treatment.
So I did what I though would help: I started to control what she did, when we would drink, what, how much... After a year or so, I knew I was in deep ****. And I realized that I can't leave. I just did not saw that as an option. So I stayed for more lies, more hurt, more cheating, more depression, more tears, more desperation.
And you know what? In the end I was as addicted and crazy as she was. She was my fix, she was my drug.
I reached my rock bottom many times, but the one when I stopped digging myself a bigger hole was when I knew enough is enough. I could not bare anymore being constantly on alert, constantly stressed, unable to focus on anything but her drinking.
I got out. And now I'm in much better place. It is not easy, but it is worth it.
Originally Posted by
Stella517 
I finally left him after a fight any I knew he was drunk. He started saying mean things. But now I don't know if it was the right idea. I started thinking that maybe I'm overreacting on his drinking? We had good times so he should be good. He'll change like he said he would.
I don't know if I made the right choice? Or if I'm right. I feel like he is an alcoholic but I don't know. But why do I feel guilty?? Should I have stocked it out? I'm unsure of my actions now.
I'd say trust your gut. I *KNEW* *ALL* *THE* *FREAKIN'* *TIME*, but I decided to burry that truth somewhere very very deep in my soul and it took a lot of courage and strenght to find it again. I just kept looking the other side, like a blind fool. ;-) I just was not capable of thinking that I might deserve better. That it's OK to want to be happy.
And boy, was I pretty confused and crazy when we FINALLY (after many many many merry goarounds) broke up. I felt like **** up, that everything was my fault, only if I held a bit longer, surely THIS time she would get better, surely she LOVES me more than ANYTHING! Am I not worth more than a bottle?!?!
Nobody can tell what would happen if I'd stayed. But I just could not bare even one more drunk incident, one more look into her phone to find out where and with whom she was, one more hidden bottle, one more watery eyes, slurring speech, one more evening of her passed out on the bed, one more moment of this insanity.
So I left and decided to be better than I was. And I really was not on my best behavior. AlAnon, therapy, introspection, and many other things helps me on this endeavor.
I'd say if you write things like
He could finish almost 2 x 750ml and not including the beer and wine and any drinks when he'd go out. (...) I had to carry him (...) He gets really sensitive when his drinking is involved.
YEAH! That sure sounds like an alcoholism.
I trust you will find your path too, whichever that might be. Just read the posts here, you are not alone and you are in right place now.
Thanks for listening I guess and have a nice weekend! ;-)