Hi Glenl,
I had very similar feelings to you prior to filing for divorce. One of the things that kept me hanging on for so long in my marriage was my fear of what the divorce would do to him in terms of his drinking. I have been in Al Anon for 7+ years and though there are so many things from Al Anon that I internalized, "what other people think of me is none of my business," I still could not get past that fear. Logically I knew his choices were his alone, that I didn't cause it and can't control it, but I always felt as if IT was hanging over my head.
I came to many realizations in 2017, the main one being that I no longer wanted to allow his drinking/relapses to control MY life. I felt as if I was being held hostage emotionally. I guess I had really internalized all the times I was told "I drank because you......" He was going to drink regardless and I was just an easy excuse.
I also live in a state where the whole process can go rather quickly. I filed a joint petition for divorce with no minor children on December 19 (he had already signed the paperwork) and it was all done on December 29. Was I nervous/scared/anxious? Absolutely. However, when I saw it was a done deal on the 29th, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. I was no longer legally or financially on the hook for any of his poor choices.
We have no debt (huge blessing) and the only thing left to take care of is the house. We agreed that since I am the one who has been making the payments, I should stay. I will be having him sign the quit claim, then presenting that and the divorce decree to the mortgage company. He knows that when I do eventually sell, I will be fair and give him his share of the proceeds. Now it is time to change the locks.
I have told very few people about the divorce and the fact that it is final. Those I have told were happy for me and were relieved on my behalf. Those that would choose to judge me, his side of the family, haven't been as up close and personal to his drinking and behaviors, and frankly, not my problem if they don't like my decision.
Hope that helps. I wish you all the best on your decision.
Smiley1
