Hey guys, after even just posting on here and taking a while to think last night I just realised what the hell am I thinking?
As you say Hevyn my brain is still wired to be a drinker. Looking for any excuse to let it back into my life. But I know even from just that conversation and what it brought about that it is not worth it AT ALL.
To you, DontRemember, I realised that she wasn't trying to tell me how much I could drink, but she was actually testing the waters to see my commitment to "never drinking again" as I said it. As this is somethign which our relationship depends on at this point, another blackout and were over.
We will be having a night of no alcohol and definitely no pubs that's for sure. Why would I put myself into a place where it's going to make it harder for me so early in my recovery. I'll be able to do it at some point I know but right now I have to do what is right for me and what makes my recovery that little bit easier.
The first step is admitting im powerless over alcohol, and to be having those thoughts of just two drinks, or just a glass of wine as a reward is me being powerless. But what I can do, is reassert my power by not drinking and sticking to it.
One reason I have been feeling good is because I know that this is a good life decision that I can only GAIN from and that the things I think I'm missing out on... well they were never really that fun in the first place!