New Year's Eve coming up - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-29-2017, 06:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
lightanddark's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: The Emerald Isle
Posts: 38

New Year's Eve coming up


I have been sober for 2 weeks tonight and have been to two AA meetings. With New Years Eve coming up talks between me and my girlfriend have been about what to do for it. The old thing and the thing everyone else and her will be doing is drinking, or going to a bar. Which brought the conversation to "its ok you can have two drinks". And me then being like well I can just drink two or just beer...

I just feel like I'm missing out. I loved to drink, and the fact that I can occasionally blackout and create a **** show seems to fade when I think oh I will only have two drinks etc. More so when I think of the hundreds of times I have drank without a blackout.

The conversation then moved to my blackout, and how she doesnt wasnt to be "the fool" that her mother thinks she is for letting me back in her life. All the anxiety and pain caused came right back. I just want to be able to drink, but having the possibility of blacking out again and losing my girlfriend and the faith in myself.

It's not only New Years coming up, its my friends 21st in January. All these things I just wish i could have a few drinks and have a good time.

I just feel a bit sh** now because I'm thinking of all the hurt I've caused in the past, not only related to drink. But I've felt so good in myself before this, even then though my brain was like well I can have a glass of wine when I finally save up and take us for holiday.

Just feels weird and crappy...
lightanddark is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lightanddark For This Useful Post:
Anna (12-29-2017), DarklingSong (12-30-2017), Hevyn (12-29-2017)
Old 12-29-2017, 07:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Avra's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
Blog Entries: 15
Hi Lightanddark,
I understand the fear of missing out. I allowed it to keep me from being sober for years.
In reality though, what I came to understand was that I was only really missing out when I was drinking. All the blackouts, preoccupation with alcohol and all the maladaptive behaviour that came with it, left me very much alone and not one of the crowd. Ironically it took being sober to be like everyone else.
I am over one year sober now and rarely feel i want to drink. I am busier now with my life full of things that i never had in active addiction,
Early days it can be hard,but it gets easier,
__________________
2017 the year of change, positivity, and forward movement
2018 still getting better and better....
_______________________

Sober since 10/23/2016
Avra is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Avra For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (12-30-2017), Hevyn (12-29-2017)
Old 12-29-2017, 07:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 38,485
Welcome, lightanddark. It's so good to have you with us. Talking things over here has helped me get my life back.

Like Avra, fear of missing out kept me drinking long after I knew I couldn't touch the stuff. As a result, my life turned into an unmanageable nightmare that took me forever to dig out of. I spent many years insisting I could have a couple drinks if I just used enough willpower. It never worked out that way - all attempts to moderate ended in misery, shame, and even danger.

Congratulations on your 2 wks. sober - we know how hard you worked to get to this point. I hope you'll stay with us and keep posting - you're never alone in this.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

Hevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (12-30-2017)
Old 12-29-2017, 07:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 51,889
I think you might be able to shift your perspective. Right now, it feels like you'll be missing out on things by not drinking. But, you could try thinking of the things you will gain by removing alcohol from your life. Blackouts are scary and dangerous, so I hope that you decide to stop drinking.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (12-29-2017)
Old 12-29-2017, 07:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
The road goes on forever
 
MidnightRider's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,108
Perhaps a quiet New Years .. why not take Girlfriend to dinner and go see a movie
MidnightRider is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MidnightRider For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (12-30-2017), DarklingSong (12-30-2017)
Old 12-29-2017, 07:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 178,292
Blog Entries: 1
even after I quit drinking, I still thought like a drinker for a while. It took a few months for me to see that you dont need alcohol to have fun, or to have a good time.

I have more fun now than at any other time of my adult life

what about thinking about something fun to do with your gf that won't necessitate you being around alcohol or drinkers this NYE?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-2017, 11:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,819
I understand her view on your blackouts,BUT(I get in trouble a bit here)..There's NO WAY someone is telling me how much I can/not drink("a couple") while they do whatever..pssshhh! How's that sit with ya? Also.. if you and she knows you have an issue with booze what's the point of going out? Just go and not drink. Simple. Can you do that?

Edit: Seriously...If you've been to AA twice on your own, you have problem with the drink. Couple that with coming here,which is a great site for finding sobriety...IF you find yourself here,IMO,you have a drinking problem. No one finds this place on accident.
__________________
'Dumb' it down as much as you can....makes it WAYYYY easier!!
DontRemember is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-30-2017, 09:33 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
lightanddark's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: The Emerald Isle
Posts: 38
Hey guys, after even just posting on here and taking a while to think last night I just realised what the hell am I thinking?

As you say Hevyn my brain is still wired to be a drinker. Looking for any excuse to let it back into my life. But I know even from just that conversation and what it brought about that it is not worth it AT ALL.

To you, DontRemember, I realised that she wasn't trying to tell me how much I could drink, but she was actually testing the waters to see my commitment to "never drinking again" as I said it. As this is somethign which our relationship depends on at this point, another blackout and were over.

We will be having a night of no alcohol and definitely no pubs that's for sure. Why would I put myself into a place where it's going to make it harder for me so early in my recovery. I'll be able to do it at some point I know but right now I have to do what is right for me and what makes my recovery that little bit easier.

The first step is admitting im powerless over alcohol, and to be having those thoughts of just two drinks, or just a glass of wine as a reward is me being powerless. But what I can do, is reassert my power by not drinking and sticking to it.

One reason I have been feeling good is because I know that this is a good life decision that I can only GAIN from and that the things I think I'm missing out on... well they were never really that fun in the first place!
lightanddark is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lightanddark For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (12-30-2017), Dee74 (12-30-2017), DontRemember (12-30-2017), least (12-30-2017), ReadyAtLast (12-30-2017)
Old 12-30-2017, 09:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by lightanddark View Post
Hey guys, after even just posting on here and taking a while to think last night I just realised what the hell am I thinking?

As you say Hevyn my brain is still wired to be a drinker. Looking for any excuse to let it back into my life. But I know even from just that conversation and what it brought about that it is not worth it AT ALL.

To you, DontRemember, I realised that she wasn't trying to tell me how much I could drink, but she was actually testing the waters to see my commitment to "never drinking again" as I said it. As this is somethign which our relationship depends on at this point, another blackout and were over.

We will be having a night of no alcohol and definitely no pubs that's for sure. Why would I put myself into a place where it's going to make it harder for me so early in my recovery. I'll be able to do it at some point I know but right now I have to do what is right for me and what makes my recovery that little bit easier.

The first step is admitting im powerless over alcohol, and to be having those thoughts of just two drinks, or just a glass of wine as a reward is me being powerless. But what I can do, is reassert my power by not drinking and sticking to it.

One reason I have been feeling good is because I know that this is a good life decision that I can only GAIN from and that the things I think I'm missing out on... well they were never really that fun in the first place!
It took me a couple months,maybe 3? to be able to go to a bar with the intentions of others being to get drunk and know i wouldn't drink. I tried to 'test' myself several times, before I got serious about my sobriety, and would always drink after a trip or two to the pub. Glad to hear you guy's are going to chill instead. Alcohol ruined my relationship from her and I both ending up being toxic drinking 'buddies' and nothing more. Hang in there,man.
__________________
'Dumb' it down as much as you can....makes it WAYYYY easier!!
DontRemember is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-30-2017, 03:52 PM   #10 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 178,292
Blog Entries: 1
great decision lightanddark

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-31-2017, 01:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,819
Blog Entries: 2
Hey L&D.

I'd suggest trying to get to a meeting today, and also making use of the AA speaker recordings between time if you feel those thoughts of drinking or self-pity creeping in. There are literally thousands to choose from. There are some on YouTube, but i find this site better.. http://www.recoveryaudio.org

You know, when we are sober there are so many things that we CAN do that we couldn't before. Try to focus on those things rather than on the one thing that is removed as an option in sobriety.

When you go to today's meeting try to get some numbers of folk who will be available to take a call later this evening if a touch base would help - even if you just call to say "I'm still sober. Happy New Year".

So, what have you and your girlfriend decided to do tonight?

BB
__________________
There is a saying: When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. And this step is simple, this is the point when we decide to put down the shovel and assess how deep the hole really is.
Berrybean is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
drink , hurt , new years , party , relationship


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:53 PM.