New Year's Eve coming up
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: The Emerald Isle
Posts: 38
New Year's Eve coming up
I have been sober for 2 weeks tonight and have been to two AA meetings. With New Years Eve coming up talks between me and my girlfriend have been about what to do for it. The old thing and the thing everyone else and her will be doing is drinking, or going to a bar. Which brought the conversation to "its ok you can have two drinks". And me then being like well I can just drink two or just beer...
I just feel like I'm missing out. I loved to drink, and the fact that I can occasionally blackout and create a **** show seems to fade when I think oh I will only have two drinks etc. More so when I think of the hundreds of times I have drank without a blackout.
The conversation then moved to my blackout, and how she doesnt wasnt to be "the fool" that her mother thinks she is for letting me back in her life. All the anxiety and pain caused came right back. I just want to be able to drink, but having the possibility of blacking out again and losing my girlfriend and the faith in myself.
It's not only New Years coming up, its my friends 21st in January. All these things I just wish i could have a few drinks and have a good time.
I just feel a bit sh** now because I'm thinking of all the hurt I've caused in the past, not only related to drink. But I've felt so good in myself before this, even then though my brain was like well I can have a glass of wine when I finally save up and take us for holiday.
Just feels weird and crappy...
I just feel like I'm missing out. I loved to drink, and the fact that I can occasionally blackout and create a **** show seems to fade when I think oh I will only have two drinks etc. More so when I think of the hundreds of times I have drank without a blackout.
The conversation then moved to my blackout, and how she doesnt wasnt to be "the fool" that her mother thinks she is for letting me back in her life. All the anxiety and pain caused came right back. I just want to be able to drink, but having the possibility of blacking out again and losing my girlfriend and the faith in myself.
It's not only New Years coming up, its my friends 21st in January. All these things I just wish i could have a few drinks and have a good time.
I just feel a bit sh** now because I'm thinking of all the hurt I've caused in the past, not only related to drink. But I've felt so good in myself before this, even then though my brain was like well I can have a glass of wine when I finally save up and take us for holiday.
Just feels weird and crappy...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
Hi Lightanddark,
I understand the fear of missing out. I allowed it to keep me from being sober for years.
In reality though, what I came to understand was that I was only really missing out when I was drinking. All the blackouts, preoccupation with alcohol and all the maladaptive behaviour that came with it, left me very much alone and not one of the crowd. Ironically it took being sober to be like everyone else.
I am over one year sober now and rarely feel i want to drink. I am busier now with my life full of things that i never had in active addiction,
Early days it can be hard,but it gets easier,
I understand the fear of missing out. I allowed it to keep me from being sober for years.
In reality though, what I came to understand was that I was only really missing out when I was drinking. All the blackouts, preoccupation with alcohol and all the maladaptive behaviour that came with it, left me very much alone and not one of the crowd. Ironically it took being sober to be like everyone else.
I am over one year sober now and rarely feel i want to drink. I am busier now with my life full of things that i never had in active addiction,
Early days it can be hard,but it gets easier,
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome, lightanddark. It's so good to have you with us. Talking things over here has helped me get my life back.
Like Avra, fear of missing out kept me drinking long after I knew I couldn't touch the stuff. As a result, my life turned into an unmanageable nightmare that took me forever to dig out of. I spent many years insisting I could have a couple drinks if I just used enough willpower. It never worked out that way - all attempts to moderate ended in misery, shame, and even danger.
Congratulations on your 2 wks. sober - we know how hard you worked to get to this point. I hope you'll stay with us and keep posting - you're never alone in this.
Like Avra, fear of missing out kept me drinking long after I knew I couldn't touch the stuff. As a result, my life turned into an unmanageable nightmare that took me forever to dig out of. I spent many years insisting I could have a couple drinks if I just used enough willpower. It never worked out that way - all attempts to moderate ended in misery, shame, and even danger.
Congratulations on your 2 wks. sober - we know how hard you worked to get to this point. I hope you'll stay with us and keep posting - you're never alone in this.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
I think you might be able to shift your perspective. Right now, it feels like you'll be missing out on things by not drinking. But, you could try thinking of the things you will gain by removing alcohol from your life. Blackouts are scary and dangerous, so I hope that you decide to stop drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
even after I quit drinking, I still thought like a drinker for a while. It took a few months for me to see that you dont need alcohol to have fun, or to have a good time.
I have more fun now than at any other time of my adult life
what about thinking about something fun to do with your gf that won't necessitate you being around alcohol or drinkers this NYE?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)
D
I have more fun now than at any other time of my adult life
what about thinking about something fun to do with your gf that won't necessitate you being around alcohol or drinkers this NYE?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I understand her view on your blackouts,BUT(I get in trouble a bit here)..There's NO WAY someone is telling me how much I can/not drink("a couple") while they do whatever..pssshhh! How's that sit with ya? Also.. if you and she knows you have an issue with booze what's the point of going out? Just go and not drink. Simple. Can you do that?
Edit: Seriously...If you've been to AA twice on your own, you have problem with the drink. Couple that with coming here,which is a great site for finding sobriety...IF you find yourself here,IMO,you have a drinking problem. No one finds this place on accident.
Edit: Seriously...If you've been to AA twice on your own, you have problem with the drink. Couple that with coming here,which is a great site for finding sobriety...IF you find yourself here,IMO,you have a drinking problem. No one finds this place on accident.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: The Emerald Isle
Posts: 38
Hey guys, after even just posting on here and taking a while to think last night I just realised what the hell am I thinking?
As you say Hevyn my brain is still wired to be a drinker. Looking for any excuse to let it back into my life. But I know even from just that conversation and what it brought about that it is not worth it AT ALL.
To you, DontRemember, I realised that she wasn't trying to tell me how much I could drink, but she was actually testing the waters to see my commitment to "never drinking again" as I said it. As this is somethign which our relationship depends on at this point, another blackout and were over.
We will be having a night of no alcohol and definitely no pubs that's for sure. Why would I put myself into a place where it's going to make it harder for me so early in my recovery. I'll be able to do it at some point I know but right now I have to do what is right for me and what makes my recovery that little bit easier.
The first step is admitting im powerless over alcohol, and to be having those thoughts of just two drinks, or just a glass of wine as a reward is me being powerless. But what I can do, is reassert my power by not drinking and sticking to it.
One reason I have been feeling good is because I know that this is a good life decision that I can only GAIN from and that the things I think I'm missing out on... well they were never really that fun in the first place!
As you say Hevyn my brain is still wired to be a drinker. Looking for any excuse to let it back into my life. But I know even from just that conversation and what it brought about that it is not worth it AT ALL.
To you, DontRemember, I realised that she wasn't trying to tell me how much I could drink, but she was actually testing the waters to see my commitment to "never drinking again" as I said it. As this is somethign which our relationship depends on at this point, another blackout and were over.
We will be having a night of no alcohol and definitely no pubs that's for sure. Why would I put myself into a place where it's going to make it harder for me so early in my recovery. I'll be able to do it at some point I know but right now I have to do what is right for me and what makes my recovery that little bit easier.
The first step is admitting im powerless over alcohol, and to be having those thoughts of just two drinks, or just a glass of wine as a reward is me being powerless. But what I can do, is reassert my power by not drinking and sticking to it.
One reason I have been feeling good is because I know that this is a good life decision that I can only GAIN from and that the things I think I'm missing out on... well they were never really that fun in the first place!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by lightanddark 
Hey guys, after even just posting on here and taking a while to think last night I just realised what the hell am I thinking?
As you say Hevyn my brain is still wired to be a drinker. Looking for any excuse to let it back into my life. But I know even from just that conversation and what it brought about that it is not worth it AT ALL.
To you, DontRemember, I realised that she wasn't trying to tell me how much I could drink, but she was actually testing the waters to see my commitment to "never drinking again" as I said it. As this is somethign which our relationship depends on at this point, another blackout and were over.
We will be having a night of no alcohol and definitely no pubs that's for sure. Why would I put myself into a place where it's going to make it harder for me so early in my recovery. I'll be able to do it at some point I know but right now I have to do what is right for me and what makes my recovery that little bit easier.
The first step is admitting im powerless over alcohol, and to be having those thoughts of just two drinks, or just a glass of wine as a reward is me being powerless. But what I can do, is reassert my power by not drinking and sticking to it.
One reason I have been feeling good is because I know that this is a good life decision that I can only GAIN from and that the things I think I'm missing out on... well they were never really that fun in the first place!
As you say Hevyn my brain is still wired to be a drinker. Looking for any excuse to let it back into my life. But I know even from just that conversation and what it brought about that it is not worth it AT ALL.
To you, DontRemember, I realised that she wasn't trying to tell me how much I could drink, but she was actually testing the waters to see my commitment to "never drinking again" as I said it. As this is somethign which our relationship depends on at this point, another blackout and were over.
We will be having a night of no alcohol and definitely no pubs that's for sure. Why would I put myself into a place where it's going to make it harder for me so early in my recovery. I'll be able to do it at some point I know but right now I have to do what is right for me and what makes my recovery that little bit easier.
The first step is admitting im powerless over alcohol, and to be having those thoughts of just two drinks, or just a glass of wine as a reward is me being powerless. But what I can do, is reassert my power by not drinking and sticking to it.
One reason I have been feeling good is because I know that this is a good life decision that I can only GAIN from and that the things I think I'm missing out on... well they were never really that fun in the first place!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hey L&D.
I'd suggest trying to get to a meeting today, and also making use of the AA speaker recordings between time if you feel those thoughts of drinking or self-pity creeping in. There are literally thousands to choose from. There are some on YouTube, but i find this site better.. http://www.recoveryaudio.org
You know, when we are sober there are so many things that we CAN do that we couldn't before. Try to focus on those things rather than on the one thing that is removed as an option in sobriety.
When you go to today's meeting try to get some numbers of folk who will be available to take a call later this evening if a touch base would help - even if you just call to say "I'm still sober. Happy New Year".
So, what have you and your girlfriend decided to do tonight?
BB
I'd suggest trying to get to a meeting today, and also making use of the AA speaker recordings between time if you feel those thoughts of drinking or self-pity creeping in. There are literally thousands to choose from. There are some on YouTube, but i find this site better.. http://www.recoveryaudio.org
You know, when we are sober there are so many things that we CAN do that we couldn't before. Try to focus on those things rather than on the one thing that is removed as an option in sobriety.
When you go to today's meeting try to get some numbers of folk who will be available to take a call later this evening if a touch base would help - even if you just call to say "I'm still sober. Happy New Year".
So, what have you and your girlfriend decided to do tonight?
BB
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