Hi wildflower,
I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. Family dynamics are difficult for many of us and the holidays just seem to amplify and intensify it all. I am in my late 40s and I only realized this year that my parents are who they are and that no amount of wanting and hoping that they were different was going to change that. For the sake of our own self preservation and recovery, I agree with the other folks here that sometimes we need to distance ourselves from family and other negative influences in order to create space to focus on our own healing. For me, that meant separating myself physically and emotionally from my family during the holidays this year. It was painful, but I am so glad I did it.
I am so glad that you are still here with us. That is the most important thing. I am also very early in sobriety, so let's do this together. I am sending you hugs.