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I need help..I'm on the edge

Old 12-25-2017, 08:57 PM
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I need help..I'm on the edge

I tried to make it, i was 45 days sober and caved in. I drank 3 liters of wine last night and 1.5 liters today. I'm giving the amounts to face it, make myself accountable for my drinking. I was done, i never wanted to drink again. Then on Sunday morning my mind said"go get it, go get it now", and the rest is history. I know you guys have heard my story, I know it's getting old, I know you don't want to hear another relapse song and dance. I just don't know where else to turn, I don't have anyone left. I am sorry.
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:03 PM
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Hi wildflower

there;s tons of support here 24/7. I just sat here the first few days of my quit and talked to people, had people talk to me, I did everything I could not to go and buy more booze..

Before I knew it the first day was down

D
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:07 PM
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Hello wildflower. We are here. You aren’t alone in this. Are you still drinking now? If you are, it’d be better to stop. It’s never too late to make a change😀
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:09 PM
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Dee,

I don't know what to do. Why can't I stay sober? I love the way I feel sober, why can't that be enough? I am so ashamed to be posting this...I'm not good enough to even be here...UGH

WFLOWER
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:12 PM
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Hi Wildflower,

I posted on your thread earlier today, I know you have lots going on, but drinking will not make any of it better. Make tomorrow your new day one. Start building those days up again, but find something to add to your recovery plan to help you when things get rough.

You need to want to get sober for you. I am a less than a week away from two years sober, and during that time I have faced some health scares, and family illnesses, all of these would have been made a million times worse if I were drinking.

Sticking close to SR in the beginning was very helpful, so was going for walks, journaling, reading some great recovery books, and really focusing on the things I had to be grateful for.

I hope to see you back here tomorrow on your new day one.
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:14 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
Dee,

I don't know what to do. Why can't I stay sober? I love the way I feel sober, why can't that be enough? I am so ashamed to be posting this...I'm not good enough to even be here...UGH

WFLOWER
That's not true at all. We have all been where you are tonight, you can do this, you are absolutely good enough, and you are worth being sober.
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:15 PM
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Wildflower,

If it was easy then this forum wouldn't exist would it? You had 45 days which is amazing. I have never achieved that long in sobriety since I was under 30 years of age (I'm now 48 years old).

Start again. Join the December class (we're a good bunch - you'll see) and we will crack this together.

Strength from the UK to you.

JT
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:16 PM
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My sobriety truly began when I wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to drink. Not easy, but simple.
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Delilah1 View Post
Hi Wildflower,

I posted on your thread earlier today, I know you have lots going on, but drinking will not make any of it better. Make tomorrow your new day one. Start building those days up again, but find something to add to your recovery plan to help you when things get rough.

You need to want to get sober for you. I am a less than a week away from two years sober, and during that time I have faced some health scares, and family illnesses, all of these would have been made a million times worse if I were drinking.

Sticking close to SR in the beginning was very helpful, so was going for walks, journaling, reading some great recovery books, and really focusing on the things I had to be grateful for.

I hope to see you back here tomorrow on your new day one.
I don't feel that I should post another "Day 1". I have heard how people are so sick of hearing it...over and over again. I don't blame them. I feel that maybe I wore out my welcome here, like once you screwed up so many times, don't bother coming back. go find another place to cry your blues...this site is for sober folks!!
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:22 PM
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No this site is for sober folks, people trying to get sober, and people that are constantly drunk and are reaching out in desperation.

I'm not sick of you. I've seen a few of your posts. Not many. But a few. You seem intelligent and caring and you share many of my goals. Why wouldn't I want to converse with you???
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:31 PM
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No you absolutely have not worn out your welcome at all. And dont be discouraged. It takes lots of people multiple tries.
You can do this, any thought you cannot is your AV. Not only possibke but 100 percent gaurentee you can IF you make the decision and stick with it, no matter what. It WILL get easier.
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted by JustTony View Post
No this site is for sober folks, people trying to get sober, and people that are constantly drunk and are reaching out in desperation.

I'm not sick of you. I've seen a few of your posts. Not many. But a few. You seem intelligent and caring and you share many of my goals. Why wouldn't I want to converse with you???
Thanks Tony, I am so appreciative of your kind words. I am a smart woman with an entire life worth living. I know this isn't an excuse, but when I talk to my mom I simply want to die. Simple as that. I tried to commit suicide several times as a younger person,I think that I chose drinking myself to death as a more realistic approach. Silly huh? I know what I should do, but all I want is for her to love me and want me...and she isn't capable. I need a reason to live...beyond my own taking up space sort of reason....xx thanks guys...please hang in with me
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:40 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
Dee,

I don't know what to do. Why can't I stay sober? I love the way I feel sober, why can't that be enough? I am so ashamed to be posting this...I'm not good enough to even be here...UGH

WFLOWER
addiction is pretty complex - and illogical too.

I had to take drinking off the table as a viable option. Change can never happen when I drink -and I really wanted change.

You;re no different to me or anyone else here

You need to make that commitment to not drinking any more - no matter what

Thats a big ask, and some of us falter a time or two but that doesn't make us failures.

It just means we may need to change our approach to what we've tried in the past.

D
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:45 PM
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You're welcome Wildflower. I meant what I said as well.

Don't think of those 45 days as lost please? I know there is a lot of 'black and white' thinking when it comes to sobriety - and a lot of it is very useful. But sometimes - especially after slip - people look at those sober days as nothing. Well ask your liver if they were nothing and if it could speak it would tell you different.

I'm so scared I might slip at any time. I really intend not to, but I know that about 20 years hard drinking is hard to re-wire. If I ever slip I will need love and compassion and would want to be treated by others how I would treat them. I hope that I never have to find out... but alcohol is so pervasive and insidious I never count out the chance it could happen.

I'm 100% hanging in there with you. Ditch the booze again and start anew. The alternative isn't worth it - I know that you know that.

Tony
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:50 PM
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WIldflower, very few people learn to drive, without stalling the engine a time or two, but we get there in the end. Restart the engine and move forward.
You're WAY ahead, of those who aren't even trying.
Happy Christmas
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:54 PM
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I don't feel that I should post another "Day 1". I have heard how people are so sick of hearing it...over and over again. I don't blame them. I feel that maybe I wore out my welcome here, like once you screwed up so many times, don't bother coming back. go find another place to cry your blues...this site is for sober folks!!
I dunno where you read that or who might told you that - but its simply not true of the overwhelming majority of us who regularly post here in this Newcomers forum

The support here is endless because we;re such a big commuity - there will always be someone here to listen, or to help you or anyone else that needs assistance

I've mentioned 4 or 5 times today that this site is not just for the sober members - who are you going to believe wildflower - me or your AV?

D
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:56 PM
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Thank you again tony,

I feel that I can do this, I can fight the good fight. I can't tell you how much your words of encouragement have helped me! I am hanging on by a thread, and yet you are here, supporting me. I am so grateful. Bless you, beautiful soul.XX WF
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Zanna View Post
WIldflower, very few people learn to drive, without stalling the engine a time or two, but we get there in the end. Restart the engine and move forward.
You're WAY ahead, of those who aren't even trying.
Happy Christmas
What a great post.

I wish you could treble x LIKE!
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Old 12-25-2017, 10:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I dunno where you read that or who might told you that - but its simply not true of the overwhelming majority of us who regularly post here in this Newcomers forum

The support here is endless because we;re such a big commuity - there will always be someone here to listen, or to help you or anyone else that needs assistance

I've mentioned 4 or 5 times today that this site is not just for the sober members - who are you going to believe wildflower - me or your AV?

D
Oh gosh Dee...your right! I believe you, and I'm sorry. I think my mind is playing tricks on me, I feel like the world is out to get me. I never meant to belittle this site, I just feel lost. It's my own fault, not the fault of others...forgive me mw
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Old 12-25-2017, 10:23 PM
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Hi wildflower,

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. Family dynamics are difficult for many of us and the holidays just seem to amplify and intensify it all. I am in my late 40s and I only realized this year that my parents are who they are and that no amount of wanting and hoping that they were different was going to change that. For the sake of our own self preservation and recovery, I agree with the other folks here that sometimes we need to distance ourselves from family and other negative influences in order to create space to focus on our own healing. For me, that meant separating myself physically and emotionally from my family during the holidays this year. It was painful, but I am so glad I did it.

I am so glad that you are still here with us. That is the most important thing. I am also very early in sobriety, so let's do this together. I am sending you hugs.
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