You're welcome Wildflower. I meant what I said as well.
Don't think of those 45 days as lost please? I know there is a lot of 'black and white' thinking when it comes to sobriety - and a lot of it is very useful. But sometimes - especially after slip - people look at those sober days as nothing. Well ask your liver if they were nothing and if it could speak it would tell you different.
I'm so scared I might slip at any time. I really intend not to, but I know that about 20 years hard drinking is hard to re-wire. If I ever slip I will need love and compassion and would want to be treated by others how I would treat them. I hope that I never have to find out... but alcohol is so pervasive and insidious I never count out the chance it could happen.
I'm 100% hanging in there with you. Ditch the booze again and start anew. The alternative isn't worth it - I know that you know that.
Tony