Thanks for the replies, and so quick which was a godsend. I sat upstairs, did some breathing, went back downstairs, I am feeling a little better.
Gabe, I will try to talk to my husband tomorrow - he will be stuck in a car with me for hours on end, we are travelling to Scotland to see my family (is where I grew up). If the girls are distracted enough then we could maybe have a quiet chat but he usually gets defensive or inward looking. I sometimes wonder if he is depressed....
BB, I usually talk things through with a close friend but I didn't want to burden her on Christmas Day...sorry to do it to you guys instead!! I do so hope we can resolve things as you say BB, we've been together over 17 years, but this is taking its toll on me.
It is almost hot chocolate time for me so I know I'll be ok tonight. Thank you all so much.
Xx