I am an alcoholic, I am the daughter of an alcoholic, I have a daughter (17). I think I can relate to some of this.
I don't want to be harsh. I know you hurting and I can completely understand that. So please try to read my post knowing its coming from a place of concern, no criticism.
How your daughter feels about you, reacts to you, treats you is actually not in your control. How you react to her is what is key. She is angry, hurt. I'm not sure how old she is but when you say this isn't the daughter you raised, well doesn't sound like you raised her, so no it isn't. But she is your daughter. Your drinking is the reason you lost her, drinking won't get her back. That's simply a fact. Awfulizing and catastrophizing is your AV in full throttle. Your addiction doesn't want you doing things to stay sober so it loves this 'poor me' thinking. When this triggered try to ground yourself. Accept that the external world, which includes your daughter, is how it is. Accept that the only way through the pain is through it. There aren't short cuts. Accept that the only path back to your daughter is the sober one.
When I'm sober I'm so fricken amazed. Wow. I'm sober. Look everyone, I'm sober. Hey you, over there, I'M SOBER. But guess what, no one really cares. Wow. You mean not being a wasted mess is a minimum expectation for just showing up for life? Who knew? We on this forum can understand each other. We get that staying sober is really fricken hard and quite contrary to our 'nature' if you will. We're addicts. But normal people? They don't get this. So they aren't going to be giving us medals, coins, applause, hugs, etc etc just because we're doing what everyone else does. Everyone that isn't an addict. So yeah, I can be sober a couple of years and my daughter isn't doing happy dances for me all the time. And I can't expect her to. She is grateful that I'm not a sloppy, blithering, puking mess I'm sure. But she doesn't think about that all the time. And yeah, when I drink, any good deeds I've done go right out the door. Oh well. That's why commiserating with other alcoholics is so important. You guys get it.
Stay sober. Get help. Its the only way.