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45 days....and I'm not sure

Old 12-24-2017, 10:33 PM
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45 days....and I'm not sure

Hey guys,
I am not feeling the love anymore. my family got a hold of me, and I tried to stay free from them. I told my mom to stop talking, to stop telling me about all of the things that happened in the past. I tried to tell her to stop bringing me to this bad place....she takes me here, likes me here, hates me here...

Looking for support..thanks
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Old 12-24-2017, 10:47 PM
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Any chance it could be the AV the voice of addiction in your head looking for the perfect opportunity ?

Get out and go for a walk for a few hours.
Don't turn your back on 45 days.

Happy Christmas.
Vinny.
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Old 12-24-2017, 10:56 PM
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They won...all she had to say was "your daughter doesn't want you"....i have known this for 15 years, I was at peace with this, I am no longer at peace. Why can't everyone just leave me alone with my self? I don't know what to do, I just don't want to feel this pain...ever again.
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Old 12-24-2017, 11:02 PM
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Do not drink.

Do not lose.

Do not let them win.

It's your life. Nobody else's.

Do NOT navigate the rest of your life through alcohol goggles and by looking in the rear view mirrors.

Look forwards - sober.

Strength and love to you from all the way across the Pond.

JT
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Old 12-24-2017, 11:50 PM
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I'm sorry you're hurting, Wildflower. Words can cut deeply, I wish, I had a magic wand that could make us all immune to them. Unfortunately, I don't ... this is the real world and we have to navigate through it as best as we can.

Staying sober and healthy is the best way to live the life we want. Don't let others or alcohol stop you from finding your way.

You can do this!
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:17 AM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
They won...all she had to say was "your daughter doesn't want you"....i have known this for 15 years, I was at peace with this, I am no longer at peace. Why can't everyone just leave me alone with my self? I don't know what to do, I just don't want to feel this pain...ever again.
You have known it, or been fearful that this might be the case?

Perhaps it's time to cut ties with some of these family members. It sounds very dysfunctional. Those aren't the words of a caring and loving person. Unless they came on the back of a drama-fuelled argument and regretfully spilled out in anger and are now regretted by her then I'd suggest putting some distance between you and your mother for a while.

I have no idea of what happened between you and your daughter. Many of us come here having been instrumental in hurting other people, often those we love. Its often one of the things that drives us to desire chance and sobriety. I also think that it's one of the reasons the 12-step program works for so many addicts. It gives us a chance to look clearly as some of our resentments at the way people treated / treat us. And at some of the ways we treated /treat others and start to clear away the debris that we caused on our active addiction. Thing is, is yiu stay sober and work on your recovery youll be able to make amends and how your daughter that you have changed, and perhaps you'll get a chance for a new sover relationship with her. If not, at least you won't be back to where you started. You did want to get sober for a reason. Maybe just forget about your mother for a while and focus on the reasons you wanted to get sober.

Sure as eggs are eggs, drinking at people is completely counter-productive.

BB

Yearning for a new way will not produce it. Only ending the old way can do that.
You cannot hold onto the old, all the while declaring that you want something new.
The old will defy the new;
The old will deny the new;
The old will decry the new.
There is only one way to bring in the new. You must make room for it.
—Neale Donald Walsch
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:39 AM
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i'm not ok..my daughter just told me that I am not her mother, I am nothing..
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:43 AM
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Thats harsh.

Do you know why she feels that way? Perhaps it's something you can work through in future sobriety.

One thing is for certain - drinking will only make it worse.

Are you staying with them? Or is this a phone conversation you've been having?
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:46 AM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
i'm not ok..my daughter just told me that I am not her mother, I am nothing..
A terrible and hurtful thing to say. Don't swallow THAT poison by adding some more to it and drinking.

Don't give anyone more excuses to call you names and cast aspersions onto you by drinking.

JT
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:48 AM
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Every time I get sober, it is to win back my daughter. she no longer wants me, it doesn't mater how long I'm sober...1 month...5 years...nothing works.
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:52 AM
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Five years??
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:54 AM
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If these are phone calls yoh might wabt to consider blocking their numbers temporarily.

Can you get yourself to some meetings with other alcoholics today? Stay in the middle of the recovery boat.

BB
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:54 AM
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Consistency is the key.

If you stay sober there is a chance that she might want you back.

If you get drunk then you will prove her right and she will never want you back.

Keep fighting.

Do NOT drink.

Please? For your sake.
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:58 AM
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I have been working on my sobriety for 5 years...I haven't seen my daughter for15 years. Just typing this makes me want to crawl into a bad place..god help me...I can't live without her anymore
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Old 12-25-2017, 12:58 AM
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Do you honestly think that going into self destruct mode is good for any of you ?

Stay sober and one day you will be there and strong when your daughter wants you.

Vinny (a dad)
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Old 12-25-2017, 01:00 AM
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Get yourself some help a friend or even a crisis line or a meeting or just go to church... Anything to pull you back on the track.
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Old 12-25-2017, 01:11 AM
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I don't want to feel the pain of rejection any more! I have shown her my life sober, and that wasn't good enough. I have given everything, and all she asked for was another$ 5000K check...twice.She told my elderly mother that our entire family were nothing but S##t. This is not the daughter I raised, I am tired of her emotional abuse. I think SHE is a hindrance to my health and well-being.

I want to swim in this wine bottle and never come out...
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Old 12-25-2017, 01:33 AM
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Your AV is on the rampage right now.

Just read through your posts from the last few years. No offense, but you havent tried 5 years of recovery. You've stayed sober and relapsed on and off. That isn't the same as staying sober consistently and working on your recovery.

Maybe you need to take another look at your recovery plan. So you can start getting well and find new ways to cope with pain. Whether it's from your family or just life, there will always be pain. But there are other ways of dealing with it. Recovery is how we learn those ways.

BB x
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Old 12-25-2017, 01:41 AM
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hi BBean,

please tell me how to go on..I am so hurt...I can't do this alone
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Old 12-25-2017, 02:16 AM
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Families can be hard. I won't go into detail but I know this from experience. As hard as it is, it sounds like you really need to distance yourself from all of this for your own sake. Take some time, sort yourself out, get sober, get a plan. You need to deal with all of this sober not drunk, the drink will not help resolve things.

Please take care.
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