Hi widklflower
I can tell you from experience that contining to drink will not relieve the pain, not in the long run - drinking calls a halt to to healing, the wound stays red and raw and we require more and more alcohol to get that numbing effect.
Eventually no amount of alcohol 'works'.
Dealing with the pain is tough - but you're not alone - you have support here, and there is support in other places too.
You may find like I did that its not as tough as we fear it might be.
If your family is toxic to you, cut them off. I did that for several years. It was a godsend to my recovery and to the reestablishment of my real self.
Dont let others keep you down - you were born for something better than this
The first step to healing and change is not drinking anymore.
D