Well, you tried going back out last time. I'm presuming that wasn't the answer as you came back again and worked hard to get to where you are now.
If my drinking was 'merry' like my normie friends then I'd still behappily drinking, and sobriety and coming here would never have crossed my mind. But I'm not a normie. My drinking tends only to be merry for myself. Sometimes. And it leads to a loss of integrity which haunts me and leaves me sick and fearful and often full of dread of consequences catching up with me. Not so merry huh!
What have you been doing for your recovery for the last month or so? Perhaps it's time to up that a notch so you can start feeling some relief and serenity rather than just avoid racking up more consequences.
I definitely agree with the idea of rereading your old threads. Its easy to forget the nitty gritty of what brought us here unless we're working on our recovery.
BB