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Old 12-17-2017, 12:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Day 38 but starting to cave...


Hi All
Its been a while since I posted. I am currently on day 38 of sobriety, and after the first week or so it's been fairly drama / pain free. Some cravings but mostly I'm doing okay. I managed 31 days back in August so I'm doing pretty good.
The past few days I am craving so badly - it feels like a rising in my chest and like my head will explode. I only have to catch a small whiff of it, and the smell is too much, I want some. Everywhere I look, people are drinking. I look at them and think, look - they're drinking and they're fine, thats what I want to be like. Other times I know I will never have a normal relationship with alcohol, but I think it's ok I will have a few days drinking then start again, I'll just get it all out of my system.
Overall (like everyone here I suppose) my life is much worse as a drinker. But these cravings are even hankering after the negatives. Alcohol seems to relieve the boredom, it stops you from feeling such a failure, you can escape reality for a little while. I just feel so lonely without it, I know its pathetic. This time of year I want to join in, I want to be drunk and merry like everyone else. I want to be normal.
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Old 12-17-2017, 01:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I knew deep in my heart that I was not 'normal' and I learned to love that about myself.

Why not start practicing gratitude every day? It's a great way to take your mind off the negatives and focus on the positives.
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Old 12-17-2017, 01:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Sorry you are feeling down.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty View Post
This time of year I want to join in, I want to be drunk and merry like everyone else. I want to be normal.
Not everyone thinks normal is drunk and merry...



...just drunks.
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I hope you can believe that it's preferable to be fully present, rather than drunk and merry. Christmas is a hard time emotionally, for many people. Maybe you can plan some activities with friends or by yourself, doing things you enjoy. Day 38 is fantastic, and I hope you don't give it up.
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Day 38 is great, try to stick with it.

I think this is a particularly tough time of year with alcohol everywhere. I don't think everyone is going out and getting drunk, and for those that do, it can end badly! There was a Daily Mail online article yesterday showing the not-so-nice elements of the Christmas night out - fights, being sick etc. (My guilty pleasure is reading the online Daily Mail for gossip! )

When I think back to how drunk I got at such parties in years gone by...

Hang on in there!!
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Old 12-17-2017, 03:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Awkward Kitty now might be a good time to go back and re read your post posts. Remind yourself of whats at stake here.

theres a lot of ideas on dealing with cravings here:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

I desperately wanted to be like everyone else too - but I wasn't and if I'm honest I never was I always drank to get wasted.

I hope, in time, you'll come to see an alcohol free life as the gift it is, not a deprivation.

Apart from posting here what else are you doing to stay sober? do you have any kind of action plan?

D
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Old 12-17-2017, 05:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi AwkwardKitty,

Hopefully your struggles will lessen over time. When you make it to January, I'm sure a lot of people will be joining us in sobriety with all the New Year's resolutions etc. Not long to go now!

I'm on about Day 60 or so now, but for the past two or three weeks I've had cravings every day (my first month was actually much easier). I've noticed that it's just started getting easier again over the last few days though. I've read from some other posters that around Day 40 was a difficult time for them too. Perhaps it's a pattern with many of us, and just part of the healing process?

I actually went to a friend's Christmas/birthday party yesterday. When I was offered drinks I declined (using my standard "Sorry, it causes me stomach problems" line - these friends didn't know that I'd stopped drinking). I wasn't my usual vibrant self, but it wasn't because it wasn't drinking. It's because I was very aware that I wasn't drinking. I honestly expect that feeling to lessen to over time, as my habit of drinking becomes a habit of not drinking.

On a positive note, I'm happy that I was one of the few adults not drinking around kids. I kept a close eye on the little ones to make sure no one got hurt and they all played together well etc.

I hope things start becoming easier for you soon too. Until then, one day at a time.

Good luck and best wishes.

Last edited by Rubaduck; 12-17-2017 at 05:06 PM. Reason: added first paragraph
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Old 12-17-2017, 05:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 12-17-2017, 05:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I want to be drunk and merry like everyone else.

170,000 members here. i doubt everyone here is drunk and merry.
not only that, youre only seeing the outward mask of those youre seeing drinking.. internally those people you see could be hurting pretty bad.

Alcohol seems to relieve the boredom, it stops you from feeling such a failure, you can escape reality for a little while.

yes, it did. until it didnt.
then i got sober. i looked at why i felt i was a useless POS and changed, found ways to not be bored, did a lot of work on me and my attitudes and that helped me not want to escape reality but go through whatever i had to go through.
cravings pass. ride it out. youll be greatful you did
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Old 12-18-2017, 09:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Stay strong! The only power cravings have is the illusions they create in our mind. Like an alluring fog. But we have to pass through it, back into the sunshine. Keep walking, the sunshine is waiting!
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Old 12-18-2017, 11:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Well, you tried going back out last time. I'm presuming that wasn't the answer as you came back again and worked hard to get to where you are now.

If my drinking was 'merry' like my normie friends then I'd still behappily drinking, and sobriety and coming here would never have crossed my mind. But I'm not a normie. My drinking tends only to be merry for myself. Sometimes. And it leads to a loss of integrity which haunts me and leaves me sick and fearful and often full of dread of consequences catching up with me. Not so merry huh!

What have you been doing for your recovery for the last month or so? Perhaps it's time to up that a notch so you can start feeling some relief and serenity rather than just avoid racking up more consequences.

I definitely agree with the idea of rereading your old threads. Its easy to forget the nitty gritty of what brought us here unless we're working on our recovery.

BB
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