JADIII

This is was pretty much sums up me and my drinking. I can add to that, pissed. The last year has been a tough one and I have drank more this last year than any other year I can remember. I have a wife and 3 kids and do pretty well at work so on the outside, it looks like we're doing OK. However, I'm realizing that I spend an inordinate amount of time on this website and others but I don't get anywhere with quitting or even slowing down. I may not drink a night or two and I feel great. Good sleep, solid day of work, nice to the kids/wife but then I have a few drinks with the wife and always go overboard. I never have one, or even two, and stop I just finish the bottle.

I've read hundreds of posts here and some I feel are helpful (to me that is) and some not. I read them and see that some people can't go five minutes without a drink (not me) but some people go 9 days or so and then relapse.

I was with some other people this weekend at work and socially and listened to them talk about vacation or sports or a book/band and they seem to know every detail about thing and are sharp and I'm envious of this as I don't have that same "passion" for things other than the family. I just don't know if it's me or the booze but it seems like I rarely if ever do something that is "fun" without liquor being involved. Even shopping for Xmas involved me stopping at the restaurants in the mail for a couple.

I guess my thought/question is I know that things get better when you quit drinking as I have friends that have done it and they swear by it. I guess I should say I hear that things get better as I wouldn't know this. I think I'm in a spot of my life (late 40's) where I'd like to enhance my life and be a better dad/husband, etc. but am, for lack of a better word, afraid of renouncing booze and more or less, changing everything that I have become accustomed to as it's so socially acceptable in my work/play/general life. I also seem to really fall into bouts of negative thoughts and hypochondria where every little bump or mark is a trip to the doctor to get help or tell me it's nothing ( so far its always been that)

Thanks all, I'm blabbing here but wanted to get some things off my chest.