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Confused/Lethargic/Irritated

Old 12-18-2017, 11:02 AM
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Confused/Lethargic/Irritated

This is was pretty much sums up me and my drinking. I can add to that, pissed. The last year has been a tough one and I have drank more this last year than any other year I can remember. I have a wife and 3 kids and do pretty well at work so on the outside, it looks like we're doing OK. However, I'm realizing that I spend an inordinate amount of time on this website and others but I don't get anywhere with quitting or even slowing down. I may not drink a night or two and I feel great. Good sleep, solid day of work, nice to the kids/wife but then I have a few drinks with the wife and always go overboard. I never have one, or even two, and stop I just finish the bottle.

I've read hundreds of posts here and some I feel are helpful (to me that is) and some not. I read them and see that some people can't go five minutes without a drink (not me) but some people go 9 days or so and then relapse.

I was with some other people this weekend at work and socially and listened to them talk about vacation or sports or a book/band and they seem to know every detail about thing and are sharp and I'm envious of this as I don't have that same "passion" for things other than the family. I just don't know if it's me or the booze but it seems like I rarely if ever do something that is "fun" without liquor being involved. Even shopping for Xmas involved me stopping at the restaurants in the mail for a couple.

I guess my thought/question is I know that things get better when you quit drinking as I have friends that have done it and they swear by it. I guess I should say I hear that things get better as I wouldn't know this. I think I'm in a spot of my life (late 40's) where I'd like to enhance my life and be a better dad/husband, etc. but am, for lack of a better word, afraid of renouncing booze and more or less, changing everything that I have become accustomed to as it's so socially acceptable in my work/play/general life. I also seem to really fall into bouts of negative thoughts and hypochondria where every little bump or mark is a trip to the doctor to get help or tell me it's nothing ( so far its always been that)

Thanks all, I'm blabbing here but wanted to get some things off my chest.
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Old 12-18-2017, 11:16 AM
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It's very common to be afraid when you face never drinking alcohol again. I didn't know how I would manage. What I can tell you is that I had to change everything - people, activities, my negative thought patterns, in order to recover and be at peace.
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Old 12-18-2017, 11:41 AM
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Hi JADIII

As you say the fact that you spend so much time here and on other sites shows you are looking to change your life. Well done.

Things really do get better, I only realise this now on day 2 after 5 months without a drink. A few binges and my mind is a complete mess compared to what it was.

I'm sure if you stop so will your hypochondria and negativity.

Don't be afraid of renouncing it. I went out on Saturday and it was my first night in some busy city centre pubs. I realised that the majority of people out getting wasted were complete idiots including some of the guys I was with. I left them in the end and realised that I hadn't really been missing anything and that I had actually become quite accustomed to my new sober life.

You will see what I mean in a few months. Just don't think you can go back and moderate. I read it so many times on here others warned me but I thought I'm not like them they are alcoholics!
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Old 12-18-2017, 12:14 PM
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I was afraid to quit drinking too, but my fears were unfounded and after a few months sober I realized how much better my life was without drinking.
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:33 PM
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I can relate a lot to your post.
I fought with myself whilst damaging everyone else around me to try and convince me and them that I could continue to drink.

I ran/run a successful business, took care of my children, paid my bills, nice house,cars etc beautiful mrs girl of my dreams, great family etc etc. To anyone looking in I would have appeared to have no problems at all.

However.......I was losing myself inside bit by bit, my outlook on life and my attitude was becoming warped. So High Functioning I suppose but it was exactly that, only Functioning. I wasnít living.

I can only describe my feelings towards the prospect of a life without booze as petrifaction. I honstly could not fathom a future without the choice to drink being in it ( choice being the funny word)
Who was I without being the life and soul, who would always be topping your drink up, having a laugh and the first one at the bar and the last one to leave it.

The only thing that moved me past this and got me sober was facing up to myself and admitting the denial and the alcoholic voice that had taken residence in my booze ruled brain.
Then I completely surrendered myself to the fact that I DO have an alcohol problem and I can NEVER be a normal drinker.

This coupled with the fact that like you I wanted more from life, to be the best partner, friend, dad, son etc. That I could be rather than a self loathing version of myself.
The moment of surrender was the moment things changed for me and I havenít picked up a drink since and have no interest in doing so.

I canít see myself ever picking up a drink again and I owe that to making peace with the fact that I am just not someone who can.
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