Rose,
You're doing a great job!
I don't know if you are looking for excuses to not move forward. I'm sure you probably did get a glimpse of what he lives with daily. But it doesn't excuse him from not taking responsibility for himself. I don't think you should feel guilty about expressing yourself with him, that is good for your recovery. He is probably not going to like what you have to say, but thats ok, because you are being true to yourself and you are VERY important!
I was really sad to actually understand the pain my husband is really in, but I couldn't control what he was doing, and had to stop taking responsibility for him. I also had to stop assuming any self afflicted or him afflicted guilt about his situation, especially if he is not going to do anything to get better. I had to start getting myself better, no matter what he was doing. He does know what to do to help himself. But it is his choice what he does with it. I can keep trying to wish and pray and mold this relationship into what I expect and want it to be, but it's really never going to change unless he has the same expectations, and is willing to take responsibility for his end. In the meantime, I have to accept it, AS IS, and keep taking care of myself.
The answers will come, when it is time, Until then we keep working on ourselves, the more I work on myself, the more I can start to see the answers.
****{Hugs}}}