al,
Prayers.
I sit here worrying about such nonsense and there are folks worrying about cirrhosis.
I relate to your suffering mainly. I somehow managed to break the grip of physical addiction after 40 plus years of binging.
Mentally, I am still healing. I could end up dying from what I did to my body, but I am off the booze at least and nearly med free.
I relate to craving as well. I crave a bit each day, but I don't give in.
I remember the hell I came out of. It took over 2 years to get to this state of grace and it is amazing.
I still obsess like a wack job, but focusing on the present, trying to enjoy what I have built, and planning for the future are my go to moves when I get into my obsession funk.
That pales in the light of what you are facing.
I will offer that stopping drinking and getting clean took 2 years. I had blood work done recently and I have entry level high BP and cholesterol.
I am on meds for both, potentially for the rest of my life.
Again, nothing compared to your situation.
Someone will come along and offer something helpful I hope.
Telling you to be strong etc. doesn't do much. It is ok to cry. I have cried like a baby several times since beginning my sober life.
Thanks.