Originally Posted by
Pajanickah 
I don't understand why I keep playing with fire.
My guess is because you are an Alcoholic like the rest of us. And really, there is no answer as to "WHY" we are this way - we just have to accept that we are. And then figure out a plan as to how we will change our lives to live without alcohol.
But right now your focus needs to be on staying safe during initial WD's - does anyone nearby know that you've quit if you need assistance?