I was also a tough nut to crack. Not that I was mean - but for years I was in & out of the rooms, too scared to really engage with people or honestly work the program. I would show up, not talk to anyone, and run out of the room as soon as the meeting finished. No wonder I didn't feel I was getting much out of the program.
Finally something started to get through to me - I have a sponsor, an AWESOME home group, and I'm working the steps.
What's huge for me is the social aspect. I'm making friends (slowly), and opening up to people in recovery. I'm going out for coffee with the group after Friday meetings. These are small things that take a lot of effort for someone like me, who doesn't do well in casual social situations.
I'm a VERY slow learner, but I persisted.