Welcome Sarah to SR,
Sucks to join a community under such a traumatic situation. SR is a great community of knowledgeable, caring people that want to help. You're going through a tough loss right now. We all cope differently but we need to go through some sort of grieving process. As hard as it is try to embrace this process and gain your individuality back and work on yourself. Do that yoga class or workshop or travel someplace that you've wanted but haven't. Try to be grateful and positive about all the good you have. This will help with the whole process.
Good luck and many prayers