I always planned relapses by thinking how much better off I felt drinking.
But I didn't for long. And the "bliss periods" got shorter and shorter
with more and more physical issues and harder consequences as the years passed.
Beyond stopping drinking, what have you done towards recovery?
By this, I mean actively working to introduce new activities, old hobbies,
a new non-drinking focused social connection, etc.?
If you are pretty much in the same world you were in drinking,
no wonder it looks grey and uninviting.
The next steps are work, but so worth it.
Wishing you peace