Originally Posted by
Hedd 
Totally scared that oblivion for a while would just make it a million times worse. After my last drink I felt suciadal for three days abseloute hell so not worth it my head n soul can’t take it anymore the loathing is unbelievable. Il stick to my step 4 n the longer I stay on this road of recovery then hopefully my self esteem n forgiveness of my behaviours etc will pass. Awful progressive life destroying illness and I know deep inside like you that oblivion no longer works and the pay back is not worth it ever
Yup you're absolutely right. At the end of the day, we can't change the past. I wish I could often but there's nothing we can do about it so you just have to forge ahead and try to learn from past mistakes. Oblivion is sooooooooo tempting, especially for those of us with terrible self esteem, but we'll just feel worse afterwards. Have to find healthy coping mechanisms!