Am I making excuses?
The tough week continues, last night I had another minor meltdown/showdown with my husband. We talked today about both our frustrations and anxieties. I shared about how hard it is to live with his not working and drinking, and he shared about how he feels like a failure and believes he will never bounce back. After the call I felt better because I could say what my fears and frustrations were, but I also felt guilty for making him feel even worse than he did. Sometimes I forget that as bad as I feel, he feels worse all the time. He didn't say this to me but I gathered it as we were talking.
SO here is my question, am I just making excuses for not moving forward with a separation, or did I truely get a glimpse of what he lives with every day? Maybe a little of both.
I recognise that I have played a part in the way he feels. I am not the cause, but I have made a difficult situation worse many times by escalating the feelings instead of diffusing them. But I recognise that I was and am doing the best I can under difficult situations. But I want to do better. I want to be more compassionate and more clear about my boundaries and enforcing those boundaries.
I went to an Alanon meeting today and someone shared that there is a differance between circumstances and serenity. That the circumstances can be tough or challenging but you can still feel serenity. This is what I am working for, serenity in spite of my circumstance. Thanks for listening.