The words that came to mind reading this was self-sabotage - something I, and I think many addicts, can relate to.
I became lackadaisical and normalized to the toxicity at work and eventually just venting at my mother about during my lunch break wasn't enough. All I was doing was blowing off a little steam but the problems at work would persist. I wish I had been active in finding a solution then, because I do believe allowing those resentments to fester really ate away at my resolve.
I am finally seeing a therapist and I look forward to my time with her! Part of my new plan for sobriety.
Finally - what others expect isn't really what matters. What you think about yourself and managing those expectations of yourself, is really, really what does.