Seren, thank you for this. It was exactly the way I have been for so many years also. The only thing really necessary for me to get involved was for the person in question to seem to be interested in me. And setting the bar at that level, I got exactly what you'd expect.
I didn't know any better, so I couldn't do any better. I'd never seen a real live model of how this was supposed to work, so there was simply no way I could have known.
Now, I see one of my nieces living her life largely boyfriend-free b/c she simply isn't that interested right now--she is adventuring and exploring and living life as you can only when you are young, full of energy and life, and unencumbered. She did an internship in Atlanta, decided she didn't care for the city, and is going next to Denver. And she can--there is no one and nothing to tie her down.
I see another niece who has spent a couple of years involved w/a guy I simply couldn't imagine how she had gotten together with in the first place. A year or so ago, he was busted for possession of heroin. He got off w/probation. A few months into that, he was busted again, for possession w/intent to sell, and he went to jail on this one. She did the "standing by her man" thing for several months, but recently my sis noticed that her status on FB and other social media was set to single, so although the niece hasn't formally declared that she's done, it looks like she has made that decision, thank heavens.
In both of these girls, I see a strength and clarity that I certainly never had at their age.
I hope that anyone of any age reading this thread gets a good long look at the part about not devaluing oneself and takes it to heart.