I so feel you. I was baffled by it. I would wake up with resolve then about 10 am my brain would start whispering. By noon I was in the bar. What happens? I read recently that our prefrontal cortex which does reasoning just stops sorting out the drink impulses from the limbic “reptilian” brain. There’s no security guard at the gate. I felt desperate and hopeless but also ambivalent about sobriety. Im 15 days sober. I had to get help from a drug and alcohol therapist. I feel like with the help of Antabuse my crossing guard is coming back online. Also I came here every day and posted.