New and scared
Normally, when I join a forum, I'm pretty upbeat, but it's taken me a lot to get to the point of joining this one.
I'm male, in my early sixties, and been drinking most of my adult life, usually every evening so I can sleep.
There's been a few times in the past I've tried to stop. Once I was off of alcohol for the most part for about five years (around 15 years ago) but then started drinking frequently again.
About seven months ago, I noticed an intermittent pain under my left rib cage and upper right back. I can use Google and knew what it probably meant, but figured I still had time.
Within the past month or so, the pain has become more frequent. I can't count the times I've poured out all my liquor (wine and vodka) only to buy more in a day or a few days later.
I drank vodka last Friday and Saturday nights, about 375 ml each night, and on Sunday, had pale diarrhea for hours. I also felt pretty lousy, like mild flu symptoms. I didn't drink on Sunday and by Monday, I felt great again.
My wife had some sort of flu with pale stools for about a week (she doesn't drink) and I thought maybe it was that so yesterday, I bought another 375 ml of vodka and drank it. I hadn't had a bowel movement since Sunday so thought maybe things were okay.
Today, I had hard, pale stools followed by frequent loose, pale stools. So now I know it's not the flu and I'm scared to death. Got rid of the finger or so of vodka I had left. My upper right back area stings so I figure that's my liver again.
Since I'm "coming out" here, I'm intending on making it stick this time. I have to. I've got two adorable grandchildren I'd like to live long enough to see grow up.
I'm working a temp/contract job with lousy medical insurance so can't afford to see a doctor. Right now, although my family knows I like to drink, they have absolutely no idea the extent of my consumption and I'd sure like to avoid telling them.
Posting here feels safer than AA meetings (I tried one once and everyone there scared the daylights out of me...they drank in ways and amounts that were way outside of my experience).
I've done a bunch of Googling but you can learn only so much from the internet. I guess what I'm asking is "what are my chances of recovering my health going forward?"
My wife believes in healthy eating so that part isn't a problem. I've been going back to the gym again after an absence of almost a year (strength training and cardio). I know healthy eating and exercise helps.
What now?
Thanks,
Old Writer