Sparks - I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It's hard enough emotionally to deal with an addict, but to add on everything else you are going through is tragic. I'm glad you are here and are sharing with us as encouragement is overwhelming here.
In regards to your husband, sadly he is choosing his addictions over everything else. I've done the same thing in my past. We addicts are really good at justifying our negative behaviors and at not taking responsibility. He isn't ready to change and you and your children are now collateral damage.
Through the history you have, and no doubt a lot of good times together, the future you two would hold would be riddled with mistrust and deceptive behaviors. Until your husband is ready to change, there is very little anybody can do to change that. You owe it to yourself and your children to protect yourself from destructive behaviors. Right now he isn't a good person for you to be around.
It's hard to think rationally when so many emotions are present, I know that first hand. I have ruined a lot of good/great relationships because of addiction. I see EVERYTHING different now, and I can accept what I've done in the past. Sobriety is a wonderful thing, it lifts that selfish fog we put ourselves in.
I really hope you find peace and you continue to post here with us. Some time apart, if not permanently, can do you well, and instill a new kind of confidence in you.
Always remember, you are worth being treated right, and you deserve to be safe.