“I don’t drink, no matter what.”
Sometimes our fieldwork leads us into situations where we give ourselves a quiet small internal smile, and think, “oh hey, here’s my no matter what.” And it will happen again, and again, and again....and still no drinking, because I don’t drink no matter what, and that is literally what it feels like to be released from prison. That’s what this is for me.
I was in a hell of my own making, a hell it seemed I’d never get out of, and I can’t tell you how many times I said to myself, “oh my god, I’m never going to be able to quit, I can’t quit...” and I’d be in total despair, feeling completely stuck. Jailed.
It feels awesome to hold a glass of wine and not drink it, to be perfectly honest. Maybe my personal hell was just a really bad one. Sometimes, I felt like maybe I didn’t realize I’d died and gone there, it was so bad.
Sometimes I feel like the people here who still think they might want to drink haven’t had the hell ive had, you know what they say about rock bottom, rock bottom can be a gift, if it doesn’t take everything you have first.