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Glass of wine placed in my hand last night

Old 11-12-2017, 04:41 PM
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Glass of wine placed in my hand last night

At my husbandís gig. A woman I have a bit of a budding acquaintance with, Iím friends with her husband from work walked over to me, hugged me, and handed me the wine, I just said ďoh thank youĒ and then because she could see me from across the room, just held onto it awkwardly.

Husband said, ďyou could just drink it,Ē and I ran that through my head for awhile. I didnít really want the wine, and the ramifications of what it could mean to drink that wine went through my head, and then I REALLY didnít want to drink it. After all: it could be just a glass of wine, or it could be the one glass of wine that night that becomes the one justification I tell myself for moderate drinking that lands me face down into a bender, a bender the likes of which this new friend of mine has possibly never seen from a peer, while not having a clue about the ramifications of that one glass of wine in my hands. The universe and her tests, I tell you. I had to actually chuckle a little.

I held it for a long time, gave it to my husband and he took a few sips, gave it back to me and I finally just left it on the bar.

Had a Diet Coke, hugged a bunch of friends, listened to a ton of live music, and drove my husband home.

Life is good.
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Old 11-12-2017, 04:45 PM
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Good for you for not giving in. That's way too close for comfort for me.
Just a thought, but why did you accept the glass of wine?
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Old 11-12-2017, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
...then because she could see me from across the room, just held onto it awkwardly.
Worrying about what other people think is a recovery killer. What is wrong with, "No, thank you" as a response? It's not the end of the world if you make someone feel awkward if you don't drink.

It could be the end of your world if you do drink.
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Old 11-12-2017, 04:55 PM
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Well done for staying strong. I have to ask, does your husband know about your struggle? If he does then his attitude may need adjusting. As we know, when you're an alcoholic, you can't 'just drink it' as that first drink can be fatal.
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Old 11-12-2017, 04:59 PM
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Wow, that is great. You handled it well. Thought the first drink through. Excellent.
Nothing wrong with accepting the glass to be sociable about the whole thing, it's what you did with it is what matters. And you did the right thing.
Very uplifting post. Good job!
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Old 11-12-2017, 05:01 PM
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‘The universe and her tests’! One could turn this into a Monty Python routine where 10 min later a guy hands you a bottle of whisky and another 10 min later yet another guy dumps a keg of rum in your lap, lol! Anyhow, congrats on being steadfast!
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Old 11-12-2017, 05:18 PM
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Saying thank you just seemed easier at the time, it was a gesture of friendship and I don’t know her well. I knew I wouldn’t drink it.

Oh, the husband knows. He helped push me into recovery! I think he thought the one glass wouldn’t hurt. I know better.

The idea of actually drinking it was bizarre and unwanted, so it ended up not being an issue, although I know “no thank you”is the proper answer.
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Old 11-12-2017, 05:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Mac4711 View Post
ĎThe universe and her testsí! One could turn this into a Monty Python routine where 10 min later a guy hands you a bottle of whisky and another 10 min later yet another guy dumps a keg of rum in your lap, lol! Anyhow, congrats on being steadfast!
I KNOW! Haha thatís about what I expected at that point, I was like, really???? My sobriety is strong so it was more funny than anything....

This is also a woman who Iíve wanted to be friends with for awhile but weíve had a frosty beginning (think she wasnít sure of the friendship I have with her man) so I saw it as a real gesture, just to make things much more complicated, jeez.
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Old 11-12-2017, 05:35 PM
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Worrying about what others think of me has messed with my life for as long as I can remember.

My logical mind tells me not to worry or think about what others think but I still find myself doing it.

The day I am free of that defect will be the day I may finally be happy.
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Old 11-12-2017, 05:51 PM
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No matter how well you know her, or don't, makes no difference. Saying, thanks, but no thanks, is your right. I used to care what others thought of me, but now, the ones who mind, don't matter, and the ones who matter, don't mind.

Those who love me for myself will not judge me for making healthy decisions.
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Old 11-12-2017, 06:25 PM
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I didn’t think she’d judge me for it, and I didn’t care what she thought, I acted in that moment (it was a 10 second interaction) in a way I felt was polite.

I may or may not handle it that way in the future, it seemed like more of a casual friendly move to just take it.

It doesn’t seem to matter much to me I suppose. I can get alcohol anywhere and I’m not triggered by it so I guess I’m not placing monumental significance on a glass of wine in my hands that I’m not drinking, all my social occasions have wine or beer around, it’s kind of the fabric of life. Me being sober in a world that has alcohol in it is not a big deal. It can’t be, it’s not like everyone around me is going to suddenly get sober because I did!
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Old 11-12-2017, 06:28 PM
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Also, when you guys get to a point where you just know you won’t drink no matter what? I highly recommend going out. It’s fun, more fun actually because there’s very little chance for humiliation.
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Old 11-12-2017, 06:33 PM
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How true! I'm around alcohol quite a bit. People drink. Many can handle it. The world of alcohol isn't going to stop because I'm sober.
I think you did fabulously. You were social and just being sociable. Like you said, it was ten seconds. I think you did the right thing. More power to you.
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Old 11-12-2017, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Ghostlight1 View Post
How true! I'm around alcohol quite a bit. People drink. Many can handle it. The world of alcohol isn't going to stop because I'm sober.
I think you did fabulously. You were social and just being sociable. Like you said, it was ten seconds. I think you did the right thing. More power to you.
Thanks ghostlight. I wouldnít have turned down a cookie either, which I also would not have eaten.

It feels pretty good to trust my instincts a bit and learn to live in my world as a sober person. Itís different, but good in a lot of ways, I noticed some people were hammered, but others; like the musicians who were concerned about performing well, drank very little. I noticed I was on the wavelength of many people who were not there to drink heavily, they were there to hang with friends and listen to music.

I love a good AA meeting friends, but thereís a whole world out there and I believe Iím more likely to get resentful just hiding from it all the time.
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Old 11-12-2017, 06:58 PM
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Mac I am still laughing about your Monty python thoughts, I actually did give my husband a look and we started laughing, it was like....of course that woman just came over and put wine in my hand, because what else could be more completely absurd in the context of my life right now?
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Old 11-12-2017, 07:10 PM
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"I knew I wouldn't drink it", how effing wonderful is that feeling ? Eh?
Congratulations on your decision to know it
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Old 11-12-2017, 07:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
Also, when you guys get to a point where you just know you wonít drink no matter what? I highly recommend going out. Itís fun, more fun actually because thereís very little chance for humiliation.
I think we are all different in that respect. I spent some time "testing" my sobriety to prove to myself that I could go hang with the old crowd in the old places. And while I was able to, I did not enjoy it and don't really find the want/need to do so. Hanging out with a bunch of drinkers just isn't for me anymore since I don't drink anymore.
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Old 11-12-2017, 07:48 PM
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Well done!

I had my first 'test' last night. I work in a pub (I know, I know) and one of my colleagues Laura asked if I was going to sit at the bar when we both finished. She has only worked there a couple of weeks and already knows me as the staff lush.

She is a bit of a lush too, so we always used to sit and drink together at the bar after work. And I said NO! For a few seconds I could taste it...the ice cold beer, that glow spreading through my veins, the feeling of relaxation.

Then fast forwarded to the next morning, the dreaded horrible hangover, and nearly messing up the first week. I said I had dinner waiting at home, which was actually true.

Just in the past I never cared about food, only my liquid dinner.
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Old 11-12-2017, 07:49 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
I think we are all different in that respect. I spent some time "testing" my sobriety to prove to myself that I could go hang with the old crowd in the old places. And while I was able to, I did not enjoy it and don't really find the want/need to do so. Hanging out with a bunch of drinkers just isn't for me anymore since I don't drink anymore.
I hear you. I deferred on the Halloween party because none of my friends were going and it was alcohol-based so why go? I also will not be goIng wine tasting with his family next weekend...I have the spartan that day but I would not go out with wine tasters anyway, unless there was a very compelling reason to go, someone I really wanted to see, or we were hiking...something thatís not just drinking.

This gig was a very big deal for the husband and a bunch of friends I care about but donít see much, it was sort of set up through me and another friend, it was music based with three bands, and I felt it had something to offer me. Iím also going to the christmas bash because the food is always amazing and I can buy clothes I donít normally buy....you know, silly stuff that I enjoy, but again, there needs to be an actual draw for me as a sober person or I will not go.

I take my sobriety seriously so if there is any question I am attending something because the alcohol activity is drawing me I need to ask myself why. The event has to have something in it that I will enjoy, regardless who attends...I donít really care that your extended family is visiting there is no way in hell I will go wine tasting...and thatís another thing; the music bar does not personally trigger me much, but wine tasting does, and I need to know that ahead of time, is something honestly a really tough trigger, and is it worth attending?
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Old 11-12-2017, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by skyfullofstars View Post
Well done!

I had my first 'test' last night. I work in a pub (I know, I know) and one of my colleagues Laura asked if I was going to sit at the bar when we both finished. She has only worked there a couple of weeks and already knows me as the staff lush.

She is a bit of a lush too, so we always used to sit and drink together at the bar after work. And I said NO! For a few seconds I could taste it...the ice cold beer, that glow spreading through my veins, the feeling of relaxation.

Then fast forwarded to the next morning, the dreaded horrible hangover, and nearly messing up the first week. I said I had dinner waiting at home, which was actually true.

Just in the past I never cared about food, only my liquid dinner.
Yep I think Iíd be known as the staff lush in about that amount of time, too! Thereís a kind of satisfaction now when I go somewhere I used to normally get trashed and the people there now see me as levelheaded, nice, calm and friendly instead of a blithering, ranting idiot. Itís pretty nice actually to show some dignity for once.
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