My personal "favourite" and the one that really hurts me is: "why aren't you a cool wife like others and be understanding? None of the wives are as controlling as you are. Maybe if you were less angry at me and created a peaceful home, I wouldn't have to do all this."
I was the "cool wife," very "understanding" - I basically let him do whatever he wanted to in the name of being "low maintenance." I rarely mentioned his drinking (when I did, he got SO angry), and I just did my best to survive.
I say that to point out this - regardless of our "approach" for dealing with the addict in our lives, whether we are passive or active, the end result for US as the partner is the same - we end up losing sight of who we are, or (if you had a dysfunctional upbringing like I did) we fall even further away from our true selves, becoming an empty shell of a person.
Big hugs to you. I hope you can break free for good this time. It's SO VERY hard, but it's worth it.