Bekindalways yes, thank you so much for posting that. I am going to try and reach out to the group. There are Spanish and English groups here and I don't mind attending either as I speak both languages.
What really messes up my mind is the acting "normal" afterwards. This is by far what I struggle with emotionally, because it makes me second guess myself. There is no second-guessing this time, especially when I hear him blow his nose, cough and sound so awful, but it's almost a trigger in my brain when I see him act normal like nothing happened. I feel like I am going crazy, like maybe I am really blowing things out of proportion. The photos and videos I have taken of him are a great reminder and they are real, but my emotions are very unstable when he behaves like there is no elephant in the room at all.
I would love to read more into this and how to properly deal with it, because as of right now, I just beat myself up and fight with my thoughts of: "maybe it's not a big deal, maybe I am making up stuff..."