Hi DA. Congratulations on your sober time and on your coming out.
When you say that your mother will not refer to you by your gender, do you mean deliberately or accidentally? Excuse me if that is a clumsy question, but let me explain. I work at a school where we have a transgender (male to female) student. I taught her when she was younger, when she still identified as a boy. Now that she identifies as a girl, I find it extremely difficult to get her gender correct in normal conversation. I don't do it deliberately, it is just really difficult and I am mortified when I get it wrong. Her own mother does it, too, despite being 100% supportive.