So sorry for what you are going through. Don't for one second beat yourself up or be disappoint in YOU. It's HIM who should be disappointed. He's let you all done after you gave him another chance. You did what you thought was right and because you wanted to believe in him and your relationship and that ok. What you are doing now is taking the right steps to remove you and your son and that's so hurtful and painful but obviously the right thing to do. Why does the right thing sometimes feel so painful though? I wish I knew. I'm going through the same. The love for the straight clean version of that personnel still there and I would give my all to have him all the time but he's only there fleetingly if at all now. I am filled with pure rage and hatred for the addict and the addict behaviours. You are right you do deserve better and so does your son. Sending you strength xx